Hey, friend. I am not a doctor and I cannot diagnose you, but, if these kinds of thoughts are constantly on your mind and cause anxiety, you might wanna glance over the symptoms of something called “existential ocd” to see if you relate. Ocd has a lot of subtypes and they aren’t well known among the general public. There’s also helpful videos on YouTube about existential ocd. I hope you find relief.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ship_of_Theseus

Yes, often.

We as thinking beings consider ourselves to be constant. The trail of memories leading from our childhoods to today make it feel as though we are still that person who lived through all of those times, but we aren’t. We can’t be.

I have memories belonging to an 8 year old boy in my mind, he had the same name I did and lived with parents who also had the same name as mine, but I am a much older person - older than his parents, even - and I share almost no common ground with this boy. How can we be the same person, when we are so obviously different?

I am physically a different person to this person of my memories, and I can’t be sure he exists or existed. He may simply be a figment of my imagination, a story I tell myself of where I have come from but made up from whole cloth.

Your past selves aren’t dead. You just evolved into what you are now. That’s what we do.

I think of a tree. It’s a tiny little sprout that grows into a sapling that grows into a young tree that grows into a regular tree that grows into a giant.

Yet when I think back to the sprout or the sapling, I don’t think of someone that’s gone. I get like a cartoon image of the big tree, with the little tree still fully formed inside it, like the big tree has made a cave that shelters the smaller tree. The smaller tree is still there in all it’s form, it’s just safe and sheltered and a bit harder to see.

You’ve probably hit upon a good metaphor for what’s happening.
I believe each time we sleep parts of our personalities are torn down and rebuilt slightly differently.
Whatever the mechanism, you aren’t really the same person you were years ago, you’re a different person with many of the same memories. The “self” is a useful simplification of reality. At the fundamental level, its not possible to define “you” and “not you” at a moment in time, much less across spans of time.

The other way to think about it is not to concentrate on your past self dying but a new self being born.

It’s sad when you think that you and I have to die. But the flip side to that is that it is a complete miracle that we will never understand that we even came to being, were born, live, are aware and exist for a brief moment in this amazing universe on this planet.

Good, I hate those past me’s

Not a fan of the current guy either

Personally, I’m glad that fuck-up is dead.

I’ve always thought of that as renewal of the self instead of the self dying.

Your personality is based largely upon your human experience.

As you get older and experience more, you have more things from the world around you to use to orient your thoughts and feelings on the world, and because thoughts and feelings are what the human experience is at its basest level, it will change your personality continuously.

I experienced much the same through and up into my mid twenties. I have found that upon reaching my 30’s that it does not happen as much, or at least it takes much more thought and feeling to change my personality.

You too will reach a point where you obtain a certain confidence in who you are and what you actually believe in, and after that, you will not experience the feeling of being a different person every couple of years as much.

My advice to you since you recognize this in yourself is to pay attention to it. If you can realize that it is possible you could be a different person in a couple years, who would you want to be? What would make you happy?

Focus on that, use it.

Alternatively, your past selves are immortal. They can’t be harmed. Nothing that didn’t happen to them can ever happen to them.

Some folks apparently consider this depressing, but I found it helpful to accept that I’m just a pile of atoms drifting through the universe.

I’m ‘alive’ in the medical sense, so there’s lightnings going between the piles of atoms within my brain and another pile of atoms continues to wobble in the appropriate way to pump a soup of atoms.

But I’m not alive in a sense that inflates meaning into it, which we do a lot:

• the completely religious ideas, like heaven/hell or being reborn (in a sense that isn’t just parts of your pile of atoms being reused in other living piles of atoms)
• the widely accepted but undefined ‘souls’
• some elevated meaning of ‘consciousness’ (which does not just mean your pile of atoms has some concept for recognizing piles of atoms as individual objects)

Similarly, the past and the future don’t exist. They’re concepts we’ve made up. The whole time traveling brouhaha in science fiction might make one think that they exist more concretely, but that nonsense foots on a missinterpretation of Einstein’s theories.

So, there’s not a meaning to your past self being alive or not. It really is as simple as it just not existing.

And ultimately, without inflating the meaning of being alive, there’s nothing to be sad about either. Because, while it’s fancy when piles of atoms do the lightnings and the wobbles, it doesn’t matter which concrete atoms are part of that fancy pile.

You can even stop thinking about your pile of atoms and rather consider yourself part of the big pile of atoms which is the Earth or the whole universe. That big pile of atoms is quite immortal.

Yes. I think you might like this article and other musings of this guy https://robertsaltzman.substack.com/p/im-a-different-person-now

I think you’re growing (though not always for the better) at least as much as you’re “dying”. I say “at least” because you understand more and have more life experience, and, in many cases, you’re better able to appreciate things than you were when you were younger.

Your personality undergoes too much change to simply describe it as “dying”. That’s only half of what’s going on.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, nothing really matters, on a universal scale. We’ll be extinct as a species in a million years, probably much less. Our solar system will be nebula after our sun explodes in less than 5 billion. There will no trace we ever existed.

Just try to hurt as few people as little as possible, and be kind to as many as possible. Leave the place better than you found it. That’s all you can do. Or don’t, it’s up to you.