How can we secure a solar eclipse induced apocalypse next time? More virgin sacrifices? Less? Virgins are quite abundant these days. We could go either way…
You have to completely unplug the sun. You can’t just walk in front of it Richard.
FFSThey’re so ignorant that they thought that the eclipse was global and believed that it was the beginning of the biblical 3 days of total darkness that signaled the end of the world. They are so fucking horny for the end of the world and their presumed admission to heaven that they see the end everywhere and are actively trying to bring it about. That’s why they want to start a race war, and a war with Russia, and… they’re trying to CAUSE the end of the world so that they can go to heaven.
Not enough cow bell
Check it out - we drill a huge hole through the moon, and put a giant magnifying glass in it. Then, next time there’s an eclipse…
Makes me think, do we have eyes on the dark side of the moon right now? What’s stopping aliens from just squatting there without us knowing?
There is a decade old documentary about this exact thing happening.
Land lords hate this one simple trick
[nsfw] There’s an old joke that’s surprisingly appropriate.
Lucky Pierre has to get out of Paris, so he signs on a tramp steamer. In order to make the most money, the captain refuses to spend the night in any port. The ship unloads and sails out without anyone getting a chance to enjoy themselves. After a month, Pierre is going nuts. He talks to the bos’n. He leads Pierre down to the filthiest part of the hold and points him at a steel drum welded to the deck. “Just stick it in there.”
Pierre is skeptical, but also desperate. He places his organ in the hole in the barrel and feels a hot mouth on his member.
Well, Pierre makes up for lost time. He’s in the hold five or six times a day for the next week. Then one day he sticks it in but nothing happens. He goes to the bos’n to see what’s going on.
“Guess that means it’s your turn in the barrel.”
So, if you want a virgin sacrifice, just climb in the barrel.
I kid.
What happens to the people who actually believed this? Imagine someone quitting their job because “the world is ending on Monday.” They tell all their friends and family goodbye. They stop paying bills. Then Monday rolls around and…they’re still here. Now what? Do they go beg for their job back? How do they face their friends and family again? It sounds so embarrassing.
There was a great photo of a guy who bought into the Mayan calendar bullshit in 2012 (I think?). He’d given away or sold his home and all his stuff. In the photo, he was checking his watch while young people next to him were laughing. I imagine his life was ruined.
But some cults just keep pushing the date back. See Millerites in USA:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
Ooo, I’ll get to live through 3 more ends of the world! Excellent. That was a wild read, thanks for the links.
According to my friend, it happened, the world ended. Now you may be wondering how I could even have this chat with him if the world ended. Not to worry, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation…
I am not me, and he went into a different universe when the previous world had collapsed. Apparently I wasn’t so lucky, nor any of the other 8.1 Billion souls. Only he got to come here, because his original self was already dead. How I wouldn’t have remembered him dying and doing a Jesus, is beyond me…
This all leads me to the conclusion that my friend stopped taking his meds and has been binging rick and morty again.
Sorry to hear your friend stopped taking his meds. Medicine non-compliance is a big problem :(
…Is it possible that when the ancient tome calls for virgin sacrifices it’s talking about sacrifices by and not of?
Sigh
I’ll go get more virgins…
Keep them separated this time. You know what happens.
Because the world already ended in 2012.
We are living in hell.
spoiler
(… Those are brazilian song lyrics, translated. Don’t take them TOO seriously)
Dont you mean when it became 2000 and Satan got unlocked
No this was an eclipse, common mistake. An apocalypse is an archaic term for a chemist or pharmacist.
No no, that’s an apothacary. An apocalypse is the little dash used to create compund words.
Sorry, but um, actually, that’s a hyphen. An apocalypse is the goddess from Pirates of the Carribean who is in love with Davy Jones.
(okay I know this is a joke thread and I shouldn’t take any of it seriously but the fact you didn’t pick up on “apostrophy” is bugging the hell out of me)
