I want to be played by a dog

My life isn’t very interesting, but it’d really spice things up if they had a dog try to do it.

Some lonely sad miserable and depressed actor

Danny Devito.

…I’m a woman.

People say I look like Carrie Ann Moss (Trinity) but as a child I had more Lucy Lawless resemblances. So I don’t know, but either case they’ll have to get a tan cause I’m more of a Penelope Cruz skin tone.

Aubrey Plaza. She’s way hotter than me (that’s kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.

Gary Oldman, dude’s a chameleon. I’m sure he could find a way to play a mid 30s SE Asian dude

John Cusack (high fidelity)

Depp , he’s about the only one that could pull it off.