So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.
I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I’m over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.
The thing is, she seems really mature but I can’t put aside the age gap.
Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn’t healthy for me or her?
Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?
Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)
Thank you everyone!
You’re 100% overthinking it. If you like her and she’s into the idea, date her - more to the point, get to know her in that context.
If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But I mean, I’ve been with my partner for 14 years (married for 8 of them) with a 7 year age gap, meeting at the opposite end of our 20s. Sometimes it works.
I mean, does the girl know what she wants and can she fend for herself in a romantic relationship? If so, then no, what are you worried about? The legal age is 18 in this country and if my nieces and their friends are any indication, women are maturing much faster than they used to and they matured faster than boys since almost always.
A more stringent test though is, are you taking advantage of her immaturity? As some others said, only you can answer those questions. But don’t base it on how mature YOU were at 19, that’s apples to oranges my friend.
I met a woman once when I was 27, and we really clicked. She was amazing, fun to talk to, and beautiful. But then I found out she was only 19 years old and I nearly ended it. I didn’t, because we got along so well.
I’m 43 now. She’s 35. We’ve been married for 14 years. She is still amazing, fun to talk to, she has an incredible green thumb and she’s grown awesome stuff for us to eat. She nursed a sick chicken back to life last week. The only nights we don’t have sex are the nights we are recovering from a marathon session in bed. She has deep green eyes and beautiful long legs.
So based on my anecdotal “evidence”, I say go for it.
Checking this thread, I’m more convinced that I missed the train by a long shot. I’m about to be 33 and due to several circumstances, I haven’t been able to date at all, or have any friends to begin with. Given the rule of half plus seven, finding a woman age 23 or higher with the same (lack of) romantic history is basically impossible.
Don’t be so pessimistic about it, i thought as you do. However, if you meet a person fitting to you, it is of no importance that you have no experience. I had my first date recently, probably ten years later than most. While i was embarrassed, it was no problem for her and she was very considerate to me.
As of me, I don’t feel as comfortable. I’d rather stay alone than having to somehow compensate for all the experience that I don’t have and will certainly be compared to and found lacking. I can’t imagine a person comparing me with her ex and saying “yeah, I can settle for him”
Honestly, I think that when you love someone you never settle, you are excited that this person is in your life, even though they are not perfect. This is to say that once you fond someone that truly loves you their exs won’t compare because you are the person that they want and it won’t matter if one of the exs was better at some specific thing, you are better as a whole and they choose you.
Welp, there lies part of the problem - I don’t think I offer much in the way of anything, and in fact I have more needs than what I can offer back. Which is precisely why I don’t have any friends either.
Everyone has something to offer to someone. Flaws are human, I can say that some of the people that I loved the most were also the most flawed people I knew, and it didn’t stop me from loving them and wanting then in my life.
Life is not transactional, don’t discount yourself because you might not see your own value right now.
Oh man…
Please don’t let feelings of being less than due to inexperience stop you from pursuing a relationship if that is something you want. Don’t worry about comparison - you can’t control that. What you can do is present your best self, as you are, and let the chips fall where they may. You might be surprised.
I don’t think anyone can answer this question for you, it’s a question for yourself. Do you personally feel like your taking advantage of her age difference? If no, then you’re good. If the answer is anything other than no, then I think you need to reevaluate the relationship until you come up with a yes or no answer for yourself.
My grampa divorced my grandma and married a woman that’s 12 years younger. They have been together for 40 years now and have 3 kids. Go for it dude.
The thing is, she seems really mature
Every time I read this I cringe. Because most of the time this comes from someone that cant really judge that. You dont seem to know each other for a long time or have a deep connection.
Besides that I wish both of you the best and maybe it turns out as some of the positive stories in the other comments. Or not. Both are ok.
Check to see if there is a power differential here.
Are you an established adult with a Real Job and a nice apartment while she is struggling to figure out how to get out from under the thumb of her controlling family? Or is she happily making her own way in the world as a small farmer or boat salesperson or something while you have been futzing around painting skateboards and playing in a minor punk band?
Older people dating younger people can be wrong because it is easy for the older person to have too much power in the relationship. If you have something she really wants or needs that you can provide or withdraw at will or as a condition of the relationship, you should not date.
Wtfh why do you pretend like people can’t be nice if there is a power differential? A couple with a moderate power differential like you describe is only a problem if the powerful one decides to be a dick about it; it’s literally fine as long as they are a nice person and can commit to not taking advantage.
Your age, divided by 2, then add 7 = minimum age that most of society will deem okay.
For example:
25 ÷ 2 = 12.5 + 7 = 19.5
So the acceptable age for you to date that avoids the ‘ick’ is around 19 years old. Honestly it’s not a big deal in the long run.
For me as long as your above 18 and it’s consentual (ie. not forced, pressured, or groomed, etc), it’s fine.
USAian society has probably told you there is some kind of formula to calculate whether it’s alright. Fuck that. Treat her like a human, not some input to a formula. Be decent, communicate, and if she’s fine with it and likes you, that’s all that matters. Society shouldn’t come between you and another human.
Yeah, there’s really nothing wrong with a 50 year old dating a 19 year old. Age is just a number. There’s no power imbalance there or expectations. It’s perfectly healthy for the 19 year old to get into a long term relationship where their partner is going to be 70 before they’re 40.
Or, maybe, half your age + 7 is a good rule. It’s pretty lenient.
At 18 we let people vote on the direction of the entire nation. We let them buy houses and go into debt for life. We let them die in war for their country. Most places in the world let them drink and get married. Of all of these rights, the absolute least of them is the right to fuck whichever other adult they choose. I cannot understand the utter insanity of thinking one is responsible enough to vote but not have sex. If you don’t think they’re responsible enough to have sex then they’re sure as shit not responsible enough to everything else.
18 year olds are adults. It’s time we stop infantilising them. People used to get married much younger than even that. If they want to fuck an older person, more power to them.
Yeah its not illegal for an 18 year old to date a 50 year old. You can still recognize that the 50 year old in this case is a creep.
No bank will give a home loan to an 18 year old that doesn’t have income. They will happily give them a student loan and saddle them in debt for life though because the loan can’t be discharged. That scenario is legal and is also rightfully criticized.
You say let them die in a war like thats a feature and something the teenager wants. Governments would conscript younger teens if they could get away with it.
It is usually cited as 1/2 your current age + 7.
That’s the formula that this commenter recommended to fuck.
Fuck it hard
Can formulas consent?
Nothing wrong with it. when youre 30 and she is still young and hot youll be happy you made that decision.
