I trained my previous German Shepherd to understand a conditional question. It took a few years to teach, but I would ask “What do you want? Do you want [option]?” Could be go out, food, water, treat, play, love, walk, ride.

After enough conditioning, I could ask him “What do you want?” and he would literally tell me. I’d ask him and sometimes it was clear he was just bored, and would literally start to slow wag his tail and try out options. Like he’d go up to his treats and I’d say “No, you don’t need any more of those…” and he’d get this little tail wag and then go try a toy or something. Was really handy if he ran out of water or something. I’d ask “What do you want?” and he’d lead me to his empty water bowl.

Incidentally thru different keyword use for toys, he learned to differentiate the names his favorite toys. Like his basketballs were always one of his favorites, and he comprehended that his ball had a specific name, but still fell into the category of “toy.” So if you said “Go get a toy” he might bring his basketball, but if you said “Go get your ball” he would only grab his basketball.

He sadly died a couple years ago. He imprinted a bit on one of my current dogs (also a GSD), and I’ve been trying to expand on toy names with this guy. The names he’s got down well so far are blue ball, basketball, jack, long jack, cactus, pineapple, donut, and the ring. Maybe a couple other toys I can’t think of that he’s learned. (we spoil our dogs with too many toys…) But I can tell him “Go get the cactus!” and he’ll tear off and search until he finds the specific toy.

It’s very enriching for him and really shows off the intelligence of dogs that people take for granted (intelligence definitely varies on breed tho…).

Alternative headline: OP outsmarted by elderly chihuahua in his own home.

We have a Boxer and a Wheaten, two weeks in age apart. If Will (Wheaten) is getting scratches, Seymour (Boxer) will go get a toy,any toy will work, and “play” with it in front of Will. Will has to be the “one” with the toy, so Will jumps down to take the toy away, and Seymour let’s him and takes the scratches.

We had a dog who was brilliant in almost every area. For example, he liked to watch television. Late at night he would go downstairs and turn on the TV. We only discovered it by accident, because he would also turn if off if he heard us coming. One night I walked in on him with his nose on the off button and the picture (on our old-style TV) still fading.

Once he knew that we knew, he stopped trying to hide it. He would turn it on and off when he wanted. Then he figured out, I assume from watching us, how to use the remote. Finally, he learned how to change channels using the remote. His favorite show turned out to be “The Pet Department” on Animal Planet. I kid you not.

I was walking behind two dogs and their owner. I was walking faster than them and one of the dogs looked at me and proceeded to persistently move the other dog to the side so that I could pass. It was absolutely clear it knew what it was doing :)

I learned in a video that cats can read our facial expressions just fine, we’re just crap at reading theirs because their facial muscles don’t allow for the same movement as humans (and dogs to some extent). They’ll become more anxious if we show a fear expression around them in a new environment, or become more relaxed and cuddly if we smile at them in a new place. They look to us for reassurance as much as dogs do.

Once I learned that they do a lot of their communicating with their tail, I started paying attention to my two cat’s tail movements and now I can’t unsee it. It’s as obvious as a waving hand, and they’ll talk to one another this way as well as with us.

For example, they lift their tail as a greeting. If I say their name as they enter a room, I might think they’d completely blanked me if I didn’t see their tail lift ‘hello’ every single time. Once my older cat, Bartine, didn’t bother to tail lift, and I said “Oi! Barty! Rude?!”. She then gave me a quick, half-hearted lift, like she couldn’t be bothered with more than half wave, lol

Their tails quiver with excitement if there’s a very interesting treat up for grabs, or my favourite is a coquettish swirl which is 100% “I love you” because it’s always followed up with an approach to snuggle or headbutt. They also understand me when I say I love you, but particularly now because I see the swirl tail and say “I love you, too!” followed by indulgent pets.

My dog wasn’t allowed in my brother’s room, but he loved my brother. One time, after he was kicked out, he tried slowly walking in backwards. I guess he thought we couldn’t tell what he was doing if he did it backwards.

Smart things my “stupid” dog does:

1. I have a box with gamepads, remotes and headphones next to the coch. My dog knows thats off-limits to him. If he wants attention and I ignore him long enough, he will then start to paw at the box. Sort of to say “Look at me…look what I’m doing…I’m touching the box…can’t ignore me now…”

2. Anytime he does something super cute, the microsecond when I point my phone camera at him, he will turn away. Not if I suddenly reach for my phone, not if I’m just scrolling, but literally as soon as I want to tap the shutter button. It’s become quite a challenge to try and sneakily take pictures of him.

3. Both my wife and me work from home 9-5. He will pretty much sleep during that time and not be much of a bother. Around 6 we have Dinner, and then take him for a walk for him to do his business. After that we relax in front of the TV. He pretty much knows we’ll watch about two episodes of some show, then step outside for a smoke. So as soon as the second episode stops, he’s already on top of us, begging for attention.

Reminds me of the time my old roommate was outsmarted by his cat.

He was sitting on the piano bench after some practice and I and another friend were sitting on the couch. We were all having a light conversation in the evening but his cat had all his comfy spots taken. He jumped up on the kitchen counter in protest–a spot he’s not meant to be–and my roommate went over to shoo him down. After he sat back down on the piano bench, I saw a lightbulb go off in the little cat’s brain. He hopped up on the counter again to test his hypothesis, and sure enough, my roommate went over to shoo him down. After the third time jumping up on the counter, the cat rushed over to the piano bench and immediately laid down. My roommate, being the sweet man he was, sat back down next to him on the little corner of the bench as to not disturb him :)

It was one of the most genius things I’ve ever seen an animal do.

One time my dog wanted to sit in the ottoman, but my other two dogs were already sharing it so no room. He went to the back door and barked once and the other two joined him to see what was going on. As they jumped down, he jumped up on the ottoman and let them “protect” the house.

I have a little drawer which has a slight gap at the top instead of a handle to open it.

I put a toy my cat likes in it, and he reached inside the drawer and grabbed the toy without even looking inside it.

Bonus: a cat at a base I served at really wanted to get into the war room one night (while I was currently on duty in it), and she managed to lean on the handle and open the door enough to enter.

My old pup Packie was never what you would call a smart dog. He did impress me though with one learned behavior. I had started him out in a crate as a puppy, and would entice him in for the evening with a milkbone. Once the crate went away, we continued the tradition with a regular dog bed where I’d have him lay down and wait for his treat.

Fast forward a few months after I got him and had lost my job. I had to move back in with my parents while I looked for a new one. My dad and I were both night owls, him even moreso than me, so most nights ended with me saying to my dad, “Alright, I’m going to bed. Love you.” Packie heard that enough times that as soon as I said it, he would perk up from wherever he was in the house and rush down to his dog bed to wait patiently. I could brush my teeth, shower, whatever. He would wait 30+ minutes for me to appear with his milkbone. When we moved back out, I could reliably tell him, “go to bed” and he would move through multiple rooms to find his bed and wait for me.

My African grey Bert constantly surprises me with his intelligence. My personal favorite was the time he was trying to get the cat’s attention. He’d been muttering, whistling, and dancing in the cat’s direction for about 15 minutes and finally yelled “Why don’t you f-ing talk?” I don’t think he believed me when I told him the cat can’t talk.

I was impressed when my shepherd-mix carried a trashcan with chicken leftovers to me, because he couldn’t open it but I could. He didn’t get his wish though.

My German shepherd mic is a high energy hell raiser that you’d think is dumb as a biscuit, but has proved me wrong several times, especially as an escape artist. There was one that shocked me more than any other.

My neighborhood had been having a rash of break-in during covid lock down. Neighborhood teens mostly being bored it seemed. One day while I was at work, they tried to get in the back door, and in true guard dog fashion she went ballistic at the door, barking growling and gnawing the door handle to the point of leaving bite marks.

Invader successfully ran off, now she’s just so fucking excited she has to pee. I’m at work for another 3 hours and she can’t get outside. What does this doofus do? Breaks into the bathroom (that she has watched me pee in repeatedly) and jump up on the tiny guest bathroom vanity and pees in the sink. I fully believe that if I left toilet lids open she’d have peed in the toilet that day.