I was getting harassed by my dealer to buy a new car, and I said I didn’t like the new cars and all their “features.” He said “fair enough” and left me alone after that.

When I stared into my husband’s eyes as he calculated the consequences of beating me in front of our 2yo.

Followed closely by being ordered by a judge to allow him at the birth of my second child that he had claimed wasn’t his fifteen minutes previously.

Everyone told me I was like my dad.

Starting the horse and dog rehab farm I used to dream of. It was taking horses and dogs that need rehab, and teaching people from a rehab program therapy animal training and animal care.

Let me put it this way, with an imperfect analogy. If you poison the water supply, it doesn’t matter how many people drink from it. They all die.

In school. But I’m sure you could gather the essentials from the internet.

That’s not how any of this works. Did you never take reproductive anatomy?

Wilbur was the pig. Babe is a different movie.

My dad is arguably not the best dad in many ways, but he taught me a solid work ethic, and most importantly, called 911 when I was attacked by my husband. The best thing a dad can do is teach his daughter how she should be treated by men.

“Cleansing” connotes inside and out. “Cleaning” is surface. Same as “impurity” vs. “dirt.”

Just say “go ahead” or “please don’t.”

100% accurate.

Once they become teens, the joy is in seeing them realize how much they don’t yet know. It happens rarely, so make sure to document it.

Nothing is more entertaining than being a parent.

There is also nothing to explain the disassociative feeling of having them kidsplain to you things that you taught them, or were actually there for. It’s like, dude, you didn’t know how to wipe your own bum until I taught you. I think I have a handle on 9/11, liberal vs. conservative politics, the Cold War, collapse of the Soviet Union, or how to drive/ shop for groceries/ pay taxes/ vote/feed my dog/apply a bandaid, or whatever thing you think just came into existence because you learned it.

Maybe it’s meant to prove it to yourself.

Maybe he’s not the one you’re proving it to.

I don’t even remember the names of most of my bullies.

Because it’s an annoying job and no one wants to do one more load than they think they have to, so they fill it to the top. If you think four loads is a month’s worth of laundry you’re either overloading your washer or re-wearing a lot of dirty clothes.

Hey, my ex, convicted of domestic violence, never saw a day in jail, and bought a gun the minute he could get his record expunged, making sure to show it to the kids so they would pass it on to me.

This from the guy who claimed to hate guns to the point he’d refuse to talk to anyone who owned them.

I feel so bad for his poor wife.

According to that interpretation, you couldn’t arrest people until they were convicted.

*Counting all seasons.

And most people overload their washer.

You have enough clothes to wear a whole month without doing laundry? Gee. My entire wardrobe is maybe 4 loads, counting all seasons, and I think I have too many clothes.