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If the cable made a difference, then that may still be the limiting factor. It’s not totally unheard of for Windows drivers to be a little more fault tolerant or better tuned for suboptimal cable connections. If you aren’t already doing that, try using a certified cable that supports the bandwidth and features you require for your setup. Besides that I guess you could only try the newest kernel version you can reasonably install.
I know, I did read your entire post. As I said, it’s not unheard of for Windows drivers to be more fault tolerant in suboptimal conditions. For example: Windows GPU drivers in the early days of HDMI 2.1 needed a lot of tuning for tiny oltage adjustments to ensure signal integrity if your cable wasn’t exactly up to spec, basically compensating for a “bad” cable, whereas the Linux drivers at the time didn’t really try to do that. This doesn’t have to be the case for you, but it should be relatively easy to test.