cobysev

This is actually my life right now. I retired from the US military at 38 years old and received a pension which I will collect monthly for the rest of my life. On top of that, they messed me up enough that I got the coveted 100% Permanent & Total disability rating from the VA. So I’m getting free medical and dental for life, plus a monthly paycheck from the VA that’s bigger than my pension. My wife also got the same VA deal (she was actually medically separated from the military), so we have double the VA benefits coming in.

All this passive income means we don’t have to work for the rest of our lives. I just turned 40, and after spending the last couple years getting settled back into civilian life, I’m starting to invest my free time into hobbies and projects.

My father just passed away a few months ago and I inherited his house (my childhood home) and its 6 acres of property. My dad didn’t take care of the house or land (he was a bit of a hoarder), so I’m working on fixing up the house and cleaning up the property. That takes up a lot of my free time during the summer.

I wanted to get involved in my community, so I’m on the parks committee and communications committee for my local township, where I help to improve our local parks and trails, and ensure information about our local area and its events is disseminated to all our residents.

I’ve been playing a lot of video games lately. I have a steam library of over 3,400 games and I’ve been picking through my library, trying to discover hidden gems that I’ve missed. My library is so huge because I’ve been a Humble Bundle subscriber for a long time now, so I get nearly a dozen games a month. I also play online co-op games with some old childhood friends of mine every week.

My wife and I picked up Duolingo again recently and we’re trying to learn a foreign language. I’m juggling both Japanese and Norwegian right now. I learned some basics of Japanese when I was stationed there 2 decades ago and I really love the language, so I’m hoping to master it. Plus, I have living descendants of my ancestors who still live in Norway and I’d like to communicate in their language one day instead of forcing them to use English to communicate with me. I also took 4 years of French in high school, and I was stationed in Germany for a couple years, so I have both of those languages cued up to learn if/when I get bored of my first two.

When I was 13, I discovered I was a prodigy at the piano. I taught myself how to play because I heard Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata and really wanted to be able to play it myself. My wife is actually sore about it because her bachelor’s degree required that she take 4 years of piano lessons… and I’m still better than her at piano, without ever having a single lesson. Unfortunately, I haven’t touched a piano in nearly 2 decades, so all my skill has gone to waste. So I bought an electric piano recently and plan to re-learn how to play. In my childhood, I had to read sheet music and sort of figure things out myself, but in today’s world, there are all sorts of training and tutorial programs and videos online that I can use, so I imagine it’ll be super easy to get back into it.

My wife and I watch a ton of movies and TV shows. If we’re ever tired and just don’t want to be productive for a day, we’ll just sit on the couch and binge shows or movies all day. When we’re extra lazy, we’ll order DoorDash so we don’t have to cook. We live in the countryside, about a 15 minute drive from the nearest town, so it’s easier to order DoorDash than head into town for food some days. We always tip extra for the drivers, because we know our home is out of the way for them.

When I used to work, I always looked forward to the weekends. But now that I’m retired, I actually find myself hating the weekends and looking forward to weekdays. On the weekends, it’s always so busy in town. So many people running errands, eating out with their families, partaking in local events, crowding parks and trails, etc. But during the weekdays, everyone’s at work, so the town is quieter. Sometimes I like to go downtown and sit in a coffee shop or restaurant for a few hours and just idly browse my phone or read a book. Or go for a walk or bike in one of our parks and just enjoy the peaceful nature. Or browse some stores, knowing it’s just me and the shop owner. I’m not bumping into other customers, I can chat with store owners, etc. I’m starting to understand why old people like to chat up employees so much. It’s kind of nice when it’s not busy.

As a 100% disabled vet, I get free passes to all national, state, and county parks, and there’s a public park with a beach just a couple miles from my home, so I go there in the summer to swim and try to build my strength back up. It’s especially nice on weekdays because there’s no one there. I can swim laps and not worry about bumping into people. And since it’s just down the road from my house, I can head over there anytime, all summer long.

I have a few other hobbies and projects on the back burner. A buddy of mine wants to build furniture and I’ve always been interested in woodworking, so we’ve talked about maybe starting up a workshop in my garage. Plus, I was a pro at electrical engineering stuff in my high school years, so I’d be interested in learning more about that field. My house is in rough enough shape, my wife and I have been talking about just tearing it down and rebuilding from scratch, so we’re currently designing our dream home right now to see if that’s a feasible project. We have enough land that we’re interested in learning how to garden. Ideally, being able to live almost completely off our own produce. I’d also like to set up a giant solar panel array in our back field, so we don’t have to pay much (if anything) for electricity anymore.

Plus a bunch of other little interests that I want to indulge in over time. In the meantime, I don’t have much of a schedule. I go to sleep whenever I’m tired and I get up whenever I naturally wake. I’m a night owl, so that means I’m usually up most of the night and then sleep until almost noon most days.

I dunno what else… I guess I’m just living in the moment now, trying to focus on what makes me happy each day and not worry about trying to be productive or accomplished. I did all that when I was working, and now I can just focus on being comfortable. It’s a wonderful feeling, knowing that I have no commitments outside of my control. My wife wants to go back to work one day, but I think I’m done. I much prefer the ability to plan my own days on a whim and not get tied down with long-term commitments. Every day is an adventure that I get to choose.

Maybe it’s just a weird mental imagery thing to me, but if I’m talking about sides of the bed, I first mentally orient myself in the room of that bed before I can explain which side I’m talking about.

If I’m talking to someone whom I don’t share a bed with, it feels weird to describe the bed from my perspective in it. I’d rather explain from a neutral position near the bed, not my position while using it. Especially if I’m talking about other people’s beds. I don’t want to imagine myself in their bed before discussing a side of the bed.

To me, there’s a huge difference between the generic “left and right” side of the bed from the perspective of the foot of the bed, and “left and right” side based on which side I occupy at night. One feels far more personal, and I’d rather not deal with that visual, or risk other visually-oriented people like me imagining me in bed.

If I’m talking about sides of the bed, I’m almost never in the bed at the same time, so I would be talking from a position at the foot of the bed. Beds are practically never in the middle of the room, so I wouldn’t be standing over the head of the bed while orienting. So the foot of the bed is the default position to reference.

If I’m in bed and talking about sides, I usually just guesture and say, “this side” (or “your/my side” if I’m talking to my wife) instead of designating left or right.

Initial D!

Also, that technique has no real-world application. The father told him to try and make the water spin in the cup instead of splashing back and forth. But that’s not possible just from driving a vehicle, no matter how you drift corners.

I lived in Japan back when that anime TV show was releasing, and I can tell you, it’s pure fantasy. Although it’s much closer to real Japanese street racing than that awful Tokyo Drift film. That film was basically American street racing with Japanese actors. Actual Japanese street racers are science, math, and physics nerds, pushing the boundaries of their cars for the fun of it. Not hardened gangsters or Yakuza wannabes, decking their cars out with neon lights and massive spoilers and body kits. Hollywood invented their own concept of drift racing for that film.

How long have you gone without being in a romantic relationship?

The first 13 years of my life

How much time have you spent being single?

The aforementioned 13 years, plus sporadic times in my teen years and early adult years. I’ve been in a relationship with my wife since I was 21.

If you’re currently single: is it by choice or circumstance?

N/A

Do you / did you enjoy single life?

Yes, to a certain degree.

What are / were the pros and cons?

Pros:

1.) I was in control of my own life. I could just decide to do something - anything - and then just do it.

2.) Didn’t have to keep track of finances. If money disappeared from my account, it was because I spent it.

3.) If opportunities to be intimate with someone arose, I could go with the flow and see where the night takes me. I didn’t have to commit to anyone if I didn’t want to.

Cons:

1.) Loneliness. No one to spend your time with.

2.) No one to bounce ideas off of, or introduce interesting plans or events into my life. It made planning for things harder, and encouraged me to be a lazy/messy couch potato instead of going out and being productive.

Is / was partnership a goal of yours?

Yes.

If you’re currently not single: Did your goals change after getting into a relationship?

Yes, relationships are compromise. Your goals will change. But it may be for the better or worse, depending on your partner.

What are the pros and cons?

Pros:

1.) No longer alone.

2.) I’ve been married to my best friend for 15 years, so every day is fun and exciting.

3.) My wife encourages me to get out and do stuff. I’ve been on trips across Europe, Asia, and America. I’ve been on 3 separate luxury cruise lines; one in the Mediterranean and two in the Caribbean. Without my wife, I would’ve just stayed home and missed out on all those life experiences.

4.) I have shared hobbies with my wife, so I always have a partner for the fun things I want to do.

5.) We also have separate hobbies, so when one of us needs alone time, we both can focus on something we want to do without the other for a while.

6.) We’re more productive together. Alone, we’d just veg out and watch TV or doom scroll the Internet. But together, we can discuss various topics and explore new and fun things together.

7.) Getting laid is easy (unless you’re partner makes it difficult). No more prowling clubs/bars or dating apps and settling for someone just to get your rocks off. You have a willing partner at home who, if you’re in a healthy relationship, should be willing to get down with you most anytime. And you know their sexual history, so no worrying about getting an STI or something.

8.) If you’re in a healthy relationship, you have someone who you can truly be yourself around. You won’t need to put on a mask and pretend to be someone you’re not. It’s quite liberating to have someone who sees you at your worst in the privacy of your own home and still wants to be with you.

Cons:

1.) Every major decision needs to be audited by my partner. I can’t just decide to do something; I need to run it by my wife first. I’m in a healthy relationship, so I can just decide to do stuff on my own all the time and it’s not a big deal. But my relationship is also healthy because I include my wife in my planning, even if she’s not going to be involved. I don’t just run off to “hang out with the boys.” I give her opportunities to be involved, and if she chooses to stay at home instead of come out with me, that’s totally her decision. Or if she needs a night in with me, I cancel plans to spend time with her. I spend enough time with her that it’s not a big deal if I want to go do something on my own every now and then.

2.) I’m legally committed to this relationship (marriage), so if a better opportunity for a relationship comes along, I can’t just see where it takes me. My options are to cheat, or go through a lengthy divorce process before proceeding. Or do nothing and remain loyal to my spouse. It’s too risky/costly to attempt the first two, so I just don’t bother looking for other opportunities. I vowed to be loyal, so unless my wife makes my life a living nightmare, I’m sticking with her until the end.

3.) Aligning life goals can be difficult if you didn’t talk it out before committing to a serious relationship. And in the early years of a relationship, who wants to discuss the rest of your life together? It’s easy to get invested in someone whose life plans don’t match up with yours. So you have to live with compromise. Some dreams, you have to give up. Same goes for your partner.

4.) Unless your partner is responsible with finances, expect to have trouble keeping track of your money. Or just maintain separate bank accounts. Hopefully your partner isn’t a golddigger. My wife cares more about spending time with me than spending my money, so we have a healthy relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with spending money on someone you love. But if it seems like your partner only cares about your money and will leave you if/when the money dries up, it’s better to leave that relationship as soon as possible.

5.) Relationships are a gamble. You never know if it’s going to go smoothly, or if your partner is just using you for something until a better opportunity passes by. Hopefully you have a healthy relationship, and the cornerstone to that is trust and communication. But there are always master manipulators out there who will convince you that you need to stay in a relationship with them, even if it doesn’t make you happy. They’ll convince you that being lonely is worse than being in a broken/abusive relationship. If your partner starts isolating you from friends/family and doesn’t let you make decisions, you’re in an abusive relationship and need to get out immediately!

Skibidi toilet? As a 39-yr old millennial, I’m aware that was a thing like a year ago, but I assumed it was a Zoomer meme or something. I can’t get past that captcha.

EDIT: Upon looking at it again, I see it just wants me to type in “what is skibidi toilet” into Google, not answer what it is. Ugh, I’m turning into my Silent Generation/Boomer parents.

As an IT guy in the early 2000s, it was really annoying to see all the “Mac vs. PC” arguments. PC stands for Personal Computer - a Mac is literally a PC! When I was a kid in the '80s-'90s, my schools all used Apple IIe computers (and later versions of Apple products as I got older), but they always called them PCs.

But those Apple ads convincing people to ditch the frumpy old guy PC for the young, hot Mac guy did their job, and pop culture decided that a Mac wasn’t a PC.

I’ve been maintaining a self-hosted music library for so long (30+ years now), there used to not be any tools for editing metadata. I used to have to go into file properties and manually edit the data for each individual MP3 file. Nowadays, I use Mp3tag to manually edit entire albums at a time. I have ADHD though (the hyperfixation kind), so I’ve literally dedicated thousands of hours to manually fixing metadata.

I guess I never bothered to look for more advanced tools to auto-update metadata. I had to go in and manually fix stuff that updated automatically from the Internet in the past, so I guess I stopped trusting online databases. But they’ve really advanced since the last time I went searching for tools, and their databases are a lot more complete in this day and age. I’m gonna play around with some of these programs and see how well they work.

I host my music library through Plex, then use Symfonium on my phone if I want to stream my Plex music remotely, just because I like their interface a little better than Plex’s.

Very true. I also have investments that I’ve been sitting on for over a decade now. I’ve been mostly ignoring them, pretending they don’t exist until I reach retirement age. My cousin has his own investment firm and he’s been handling financials and investments for several members of my family, so I know it’s in good hands.

I had an actual piggy bank as a kid, where I collected loose change.

My parents gave me a weekly allowance for doing chores. Although they would forget about it for months on end, and when I reminded them, they’d just give me a $20 bill to make up for it.

I mowed lawns to make money in the summer as a kid. Also did some farm work when I hit my teens.

I wrote checks for a lot of things as a teenager. Even wrote a few just to exchange for cash at the bank. I had a debit card, but the ATM charged a fee for withdrawals. Checks were free.

I joined the US military at 18 years old and their primary banking institution (USAA) would only do direct deposit paychecks, since they only had a couple physical locations across the US. It seemed very high-tech at the time because everyone else in the civilian world were getting physical paychecks they had to manually cash in at a bank. I could only reach my bank through their 24-hr hotline, and I needed to fax documents if they needed any paperwork signed by me. I used to get a statement in the mail for every paycheck, but they stopped that around 2007 or so. Now they’re almost 100% online.

My dad just died a few months ago and I’m in the process of inheriting his house (my childhood home) right now. My wife and I have been living with him for the past 2 years because we couldn’t afford a decent house in today’s market. I actually needed a blank check for the closing on the house (I’m buying out my sister on her half of the inherited property - using the money I inherited from my dad) and USAA emailed me a PDF of their checks, since I haven’t used one in over a decade now.

Oh, and I’m receiving a pension now. The military did away with pensions in 2017, opting for a 401K-like program instead. But I joined the military when pensions were offered, so I was grandfathered into their old pension program. I get a direct deposit into my bank every month for the rest of my life now, and I retired after only serving 20 years in the military.

Plus, they’re giving me free medical and dental for life because I’m 100% disabled according to the VA. That also includes a monthly VA paycheck bigger than my pension! My wife is also 100% disabled by the VA, so she’s getting the same medical/dental and pay deal. She was medically discharged from the military though, so she doesn’t have a pension. I was almost medically discharged, but I was so close to retirement and could still do my job, so they put me on a medical waiver and let me coast to the end.

I’m only in a good place financially because of my military service. They really took care of me. Even gave me food and housing allowances on top of my regular paycheck, so I could afford to eat and rent a house wherever they stationed me. If not for my service, I would probably be stuck in the same position as every other Millennial/GenZ/GenA now.

Although it does help that I was fiscally responsible. I had a lot of military buddies who would blow their paychecks on booze, clubbing, women, and cars. Especially on cars. Then they leave the military broke and can barely get by. I was an introvert, so I pretty much stayed in my room and saved my income for decades.

The director insists the alien plants winning was the original ending he wanted, but he was forced to give the film a happy ending at the last minute. The director’s cut gives you the original ending in all it’s evil glory.

There’s also an original Little Shop of Horrors released in 1960 that stars a young Jack Nicholson. That film has a different ending than both endings of the 1986 remake.

My father just passed in January. He was adamant that we not have a funeral for him. He said there was no point in wasting all that money to shove his body in a hole and leave it there. Instead, he signed up to donate his body to science. As soon as he passed, I called a phone number on a card in his wallet and they came and claimed his body. That was it. Whenever they finish whatever research they’re doing, they’ll cremate his remains and return them.

He said, if we really wanted, we could hold a “celebration of life” for him. Just a small barbeque with friend and family to remember him by. He just asked that his favorite beer was left sitting at an empty chair for him.

You graduated on a Sunday? My school always did graduations on weekdays. I graduated about a week earlier than you did. Juuuust about to turn 40 myself.

And yes, I’ve either befriended my old bullies (a lot of them were just lashing out because they had a shitty home life/no one to listen to them), or they’ve gone off to live their lives and I never heard from them again.

My class is finally at the age where they’re keeping tabs on who has died since the last reunion, and the list is very short with none of my former bullies on it.

My go-to can-of-tuna meal is two 5-oz cans (or one 12-oz can), a heavy dollop of mayo, and a spoonful of sweet relish. Stir it all up, serve in a bowl.

This used to be my standard recipe for tuna fish sandwiches, but then I figured, why add bread? That’s just extra calories. I’d rather have a bit more mayo than two slices of dry bread.

EDIT: I prefer two 5-oz cans because I squeeze out all the water from the cans (open with can opener, use lid to compress and squeeze out water) and it’s harder to squeeze out most of the water from the large 12-oz can. Two smaller cans works better. I don’t like my tuna watery. My wife does, though; she says it adds a stronger tuna-y flavor to the dish.

CD-R, all the way.

I’m not gonna waste time constantly rebuilding playlists on the same CDs. I get my ideal track list built, burn it, then that’s my one CD for that playthrough. If I come up with another one, I’ll burn another CD. Music sets an emotional tone for situations; I have a lot of good memories that I can relive just by playing the CDs I listened to on repeat around that time.

If being thrifty is your game, then the CD-RW is a better choice. Yeah, it’s more expensive, but you only need one. You just rebuild your playlist anytime you want something different. Unlike CD-Rs, which require a new disc for every single playlist. That cost adds up over time.

But that’s all inconsequential, as burning CDs was only efficient 20 years ago. There are much better ways to transfer and listen to music nowadays. Heck, MP3 players pretty much replaced CDs as a better way to listen to music on the go, and those are outdated now too.

Nowadays, If I want music on the go, I either copy a few albums to my smartphone, or connect to Plex and stream them from my home computer.

I’m more of a lurker, but this is an interesting way to see where I tend to contribute more.

I explicitly ask for gift cards, because the last thing I need cluttering up my house are random gifts that people got me. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t really care for surprise gifts, and I feel like a jerk telling people exactly what to get me. So I just ask for gift cards, and I use the money to buy my own gifts.

My wife and I don’t really buy each other gifts anymore. We just buy ourselves something we want and say, “This is my Christmas gift from you!” Repeat for birthdays, etc. Not having any expectations of buying/exchanging gifts is liberating for us.

That’s the route I took. I recently bought a 48" 4K monitor, hooked a mini PC up to it, and now I stream my movie and TV show collection through Plex. I still have Internet access on my “TV,” but I’m in control of what pops up (I block all ads on my home network). I just use a small wireless keyboard and mouse instead of a remote.

I haven’t actually owned a TV since about 2008. I have better media options through computers, and the technology just keeps getting better. Cable and public access television are a pain because you’re constantly bombarded with ads. With my own computer, I can circumvent ads and get a solid viewing experience.

NEVER click decline all. There are loopholes built in that still grant access to “legitimate interest” cookies, which are recognized differently from “consent cookies.” If you click reject all, it still allows collection of certain personal info through cookies labeled legitimate interest. Which is entirely up to advertisers to categorize.

As annoying as it is, always open up options and manually uncheck cookies.

Satisfaction is just a level of contentment for me. I’m in a good place, nothing’s wrong, I have all my needs met. I’m satisfied.

Whereas happiness is a higher emotional plane. I actually feel good, not just content. My emotions are elevated and it would take something drastic to negatively alter my mood.

Happiness is an elevated positive state of emotion, whereas satisfaction is more of a neutral positive.