• 18 Posts
  • 126 Comments
Joined 11 months ago
cake
Cake day: August 3rd, 2023

help-circle



















  • It is possible that this is the case with him. Since he is not good with secrets and will definitely talk behind my back, I stopped sharing anything personal with him. He also digs up such topics from long back and uses it as part of his attack. He probably hates me because I do not share anything personal with him anymore.

    Well nowadays I control what I share with the group. wouldn’t want any unnecessary arguments over some silly shit.

    I’d love to read up on topics like “breaking illusion of control” you mentioned. Please do suggest if you know any good articles or books that touch on this matter.


    • 2 of the guys work for the same startup. One of them is the main ‘problem guy’. This guy quickly embodies the traits of the crowd he spends the most time with. So It’s possible that take 1 is the case.

    • All of us are out of college. We are not too far apart, so we are able to meet up easily if we want to (for now).

    On a different note- The start of this friend cricle was centered around gaming. I think some people might have different rules (subconciously) for deciding if a person belongs to a certain group. Maybe… just maybe the fact that I’m not able to play games with them regularly made him (the problem guy) subconsciously think that I’m not part of the group anymore. Especially since I do not adhere to the core values (gaming everyday). It’s possible that has caused a seperation in the group. I think I’m overthinking this. So I’ll leave it at that.

    • Take 3 seems like the most possible. I had noticed some signs way back. Now it is way more fleshed out.

    Now that I look at it, the ‘toxic’ nature may be a sum of all of the above mentioned takes.



  • Here are a few examples from the top of my head -

    • One person forgot to mention his own birthday date to the problem guys, and they just started seeing him as a traitor, always spawn killing him in games, intentionally body blocking in FPS games… etc. I feel bad for him. It was fun to watch for the first few times, then it became basically every day. That guy stopped playing games altogether for sometime.

    • Always interprets offensive meaning from anyone he / they don’t like.

    • The main ‘problem guy’ can make fun of others, but once anyone starts making fun of him/ trolls him - he will leave the chat and will constantly kill the mood for an entire week if he ever comes back. And yes he will bring everyone including their dead family members into the conversation (happened twice recently)

    • Denies any alternative approach that is not his own and will most likely alienate the person who proposed it for the next 2 days.

    • Always looking for a new thing/person to hate. Some time back I was the topic of discussion for them. Heard it from a guy outside of my friend circle. I think It started from something as trivial as me buying a new phone without telling him/them.



  • The problem person has become an integral part of the group. Ejecting him would be very difficult as 3 of the other guys have sort of become like him and will be in support of him.

    To the problem person, its always “us” vs “them” or “us” vs “another person”. I have tried talking to him in person, but he always seems to dismiss logical solutions to arguments. Changes topics quickly and He always has to find someone to take his side, so that he wins.

    I know for a fact that he can be a decent guy when he is with a group of decent people. But it’s always the negative traits of the group that he ultimately tries to embody (unknowingly). I don’t want to paint him as a villain or anything, it’s just something I’ve observed over the years. Then again I may be wrong.

    Like you mentioned, I definitely won’t sweep it under the carpet. It’s never a solution.