Games aren’t about fun! I don’t appreciate your whimsical attitude, it scares the serious adult in me!

Something something outsourcing calls and other Indian stereotypes

And instead of paying them, pay 500 toddlers $2 each to kick them in the shins their entire career

I thought he saved his urine in jars

Then again, I guess you can save multiple things in jars

Thanks! Now that I’ve got a fan base to disappoint, it’s time say something disturbingly sexist or transphobic.

Girls have a button and boys have a pole. Wicked touching takes its toll.

And then write Harry Potter style books about himself!

• President Trump and Roger Stone
• President Trump and the Chamberpot of Secret Documents
• President Trump and the Prisoner of Financial Scams
• President Trump and Everyone’s Fired
• President Trump and the Order of the Hamberder
• President Trump and the Half-Baked Concept of a Plan
• President Trump and the Deathly Hollow Promise

Probably doing a golf pop

Wait wait wait, now you’re just bungling the story tooooo much.

• It was a quail hunt, not pheasant
• Yes, security detail was there, but he didn’t shoot any of them. He shot a lawyer and the secret service helped him
• The lawyer he shot also had a heart attack from one of the pellets getting close to his heart
• The secret service claim they waited an entire fucking hour before notifying the local sheriff
• The sheriff said they didn’t find out until the next day

What probably happened is he got target fixation while the bird flew in a path that… well… ooooppsssies

You forgot the best part of the whole “ooooppsssies”:
The fucking lawyer later went on tv TO APOLOGIZE TO DICK CHENEY FOR HIS BAD PUBLICITY DUE TO GETTING SHOT IN THE FACE

“I really think we should listen to what Jeremy has to say. Sure, he gets drunk and challenges children to fight him at the playground, and yes he might be a tiny bit of an arsonist, and if you’re gonna nitpick then yes he stomps on pigeons in the park, but you don’t understand! I saw him accidentally knock over an old lady the other day and he apologized! Not only that, he made sure she was okay! I think he’s truly reformed and we should trust him now.”

Also, I get why you said “pheasant” hunt and thought that was hilarious, but c’mon… If there were ever a time to bring up duck hunting, shouldn’t it be now by the infamous @FuglyDuck@lemmy.world?

submitting false payment claims to Medicare, Medicaid and other federal health care programs between 2009 and 2020 for prescriptions that were processed but never picked up

It took 40 years, but we finally found a welfare queen!

Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that… How long you think until we roll back the name to GRIDS and pretend like straight people can’t get it?

Condoms and not sharing needles are just masks for your dick and blood, amirite?

You know, we’ve made massive leaps in HIV therapies and potential cures. While it’s ill-advised to seek out HIV or to treat it as a non-issue, the fact that this is being used as some sort of a scare-tactic by politicians within a world superpower is far more of an indictment of the American healthcare system than it is if any immigrants.

He looked much better after putting on a few pounds and beating the shit out of a blind lawyer

You could say that their only move is threats and Harris-ment

I preemptively accept my downvotes for this terrible pun

I feel like my day isn’t complete until I’ve seen one of your game screenshots. I actually have nearly zero investment in the games you’re actually playing, I just appreciate knowing that things are still going well enough for you that you get some time to play a game and post.

I hope you have a good life, thank you for bringing a warm glow into mine.

Ointment

Dude, read my reply to that comment. You’re feeding into the echo chamber.

Why are y’all making me do your research for you?

Also, you put that text in quotes, but I don’t see it anywhere in that page, which is very misleading to do.

It’s literally stated within the summary of the page; third paragraph from the bottom.

That’s contradicted by the link content.

Try clicking the links within the content to see if maybe you’re missing some context.

Michigan

The name of the state is hyperlinked, click on it and you’ll find section of the Michigan Legislature contains statutory age limits on marriage. The site linked from my quote is out of date because the minimum age is now 18. This is an absolute win and something to be celebrated, it just sucks that it took until 2023 to bump the age up and remove a judge’s ability to enter a child into marriage. I considered editing my quote to cross out Michigan, but that seemed dishonest. Can’t really win either way, apparently.

Mississippi

Let’s click the name of this state and we end up at a summary page with a specific comment:

Minors under minimum age may obtain license with parental consent and approval of court. Minor females age 15 yrs. and older and males 17 yrs. and older but under 21 may obtain license with parental consent and court order.

But since we’re “doing our own research” (you’re welcome), let’s not trust the content on a third party site and instead look up the listed section of the Mississippi code dealing with conditions of issuing a marriage license in which we find that

If the male applicant is under seventeen (17) years of age or the female is under fifteen (15) years of age, and satisfactory proof is furnished to the judge of any circuit, chancery or county court that sufficient reasons exist and that the parties desire to be married to each other and that the parents or other person in loco parentis of the person or persons so under age consent to the marriage, then the judge of any such court in the county where either of the parties resides may waive the minimum age requirement and by written instrument authorize the clerk of the court to issue the marriage license to the parties if they are otherwise qualified by law.

Same info! They’re not lying! Wait… That’s bad news. Damnit!

There appears to be an amendment that I can’t tell if it’s passed or not, but it only raises the minimum age of girls (15) to that of boys (17). I refuse to say “men” and “women” because 17 is still a child.

Washington

Great news! Two months ago, Washington passed a law eliminating marriage of minors! I genuinely had no clue about this one. Obviously, the site wouldn’t have this update, but there you have it.

Anyway, there you have it. The info you could’ve read for yourself, but chose not to before declaring yourself a victim of misinformation.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

“Six states (Washington, California, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Michigan, and Mississippi) have no minimum age for marriage.”

That’s horrifying. Similarly, if not more horrifying, is that’s 9 years older than some states in the US legally require