• dosse91@lemmy.trippy.pizza
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    1 year ago

    Various reasons over the years:

    • Don’t want to risk making the workplace unpleasant (twice)
    • Wrong race that would upset my parents (twice)
    • Lives too far away (twice)
    • Age gap (once)
    • Me being exposed to porn at a very young age (first time I was 3 or 4, and I grew up with unsupervised internet access) gave me a completely broken sexuality and I don’t want to bring other people into this mess
    • Feeling inadequate, ugly or uninteresting (I used to be very fat so you can imagine how I grew up)
    • Feeling that my interest in the other person is not genuine and that I only see her as a sexual object

    In the end, I’m 32 and single, my friends are getting married and starting their own families and I have this dreadful feeling that I missed out on something important in life, I drown this feeling in work, video games and all sorts of projects, but when I’m alone and I can’t think of anything to do and I start thinking about the future, I want to kill myself.