When a person tells you that a loved one has passed, ask what the their name was and say it back. It can be awkward when that comes up and you might not know how to respond best. I’ve found that most people don’t want you to feel bad for them, but them saying their name and having a chance to talk about them is often a nice thing.
I’m in healthcare so death comes up a lot. “David. That’s a nice name. Where was he from?”
This… Might not be as helpful as you think it is… My dad died 6 months ago, and If someone asked me what his name was and then said ‘that’s a nice name’ I’d feel like it was a superficial and bad reaction. My father was a lot of things, and for someone to sum it up in ‘that’s a nice name’ as a form of sympathy would make me pause and struggle to find a response to such a… Simple and child-like reaction. I feel like that’s a response you could maybe get away with people’s pets, but not a human loved one.
Don’t get caught up in the phrasing, which should be tailored to each individual need in the moment. Instead, look at what they’re saying, just ask questions and actively listen. They should do more of the talking and people love to tell stories, especially of loved ones. This isn’t going to be the best approach for everyone but it will be for most people.
Also healthcare here. I do something similar, both for already dead family members and critically ill patients.
I don’t so much focus on the name, but ask a general “can you tell me about them?”
It reinforces to people that you care and helps forge a connection.
“Confidence coffee”.
Let me explain; when you go on stage, you’re nervous and you need some water because your mouth dries out. Bring water in a mug/travel mug.
It’s self regulating. The dryer your mouth is, the more you need to drink water. The more you appear to sip coffee while publicly speaking, the more relaxed you look.
Compare to swigging from a water bottle; your nerves are on public display.
Confidence coffee=water in an opaque coffee container.
I wonder why water indicates nerves and coffee indicates confidence. It totally makes sense to me but I have no idea why.
Yeah I can’t explain it either. But it’s just the way.
Make your bed every day.
An order I received from a friend helping me out of a dark place. Asked why and was told to just do it.
I didn’t understand the question so came to read the replies out of curiosity but couldn’t work it out so searched the web for what wax-on-wax-off meant. Now I think nobody else understood the question either.
The phrase is a reference to the original karate kid movie. Rather than immediately teaching Daniel karate, Mr miyagi made him wax a bunch of cars, paint fences, sand floors, etc. The repetitive motions were actually training for particular karate moves, so rather than instructing the move, he already had it committed to muscle memory.
Pretty sure the context of the post means “non-obvious advice.” Something that clicks later.
It was about doing something seemingly unrelated and simple that helped to learn something more profound. Not seeing it in most (any?) of the answers.
The „make you bed every day“ advice certainly goes in that direction.
Yes, there is one now! And if you squint really hard the coffee one brushes against the question.
“Don’t be a protagonist in someone else’s story” You shouldn’t make decisions for someone else, nor prevent the results for their actions. You can help, advice, but should not intervene without permission.
(Except if the someone in question is a kid, then you probably should intervine)
Don’t do good things that look bad.
Parents told me that when I was young. It made more sense as I became older.
What does that advice mean to you, in practical terms? Like with an example?
I know two that are about relationships:
“Long distance is the wrong distance”
and
“Crazy bitches fuck like tigers”
