Starting my first proper career in 2008. Or becoming a parent in 2011.

Graduating from university and getting the news of my dad’s diagnosis. I’m in the part of the story where everything goes wrong. Just waiting for the part where everything suddenly goes right.

A third of my town burned down when I was 10. Lots of friends moved away because of it

Probably the most pivotal one I can think of was my introduction into the industry I work in. Just an 18yr old who needed a job, got invited to check out a small CNC job shop by a family friend. Fell in love with the industry and explosively grew my knowledge and skills. I was at that job less than a year but still in the industry many years later.

Not sure what my life would’ve been like otherwise, I had goals that disappeared when I entered the industry. So maybe I would’ve reached those, or had more/different friends through schooling. Either way, this is where is am.

I was 8 years old when my uncle raped me. Forced me to sit down, told me not to tell anyone, because they wouldn’t believe me, and why would I want to put the family through that? He is my fathers identical twin, he said I would ruin my fathers relationship with him if I said anything.

I believed him. Didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I didn’t want to tattle, so I decided the best way to do it would be to act as sad as I felt, wait for my parents or teachers to ask what was wrong, and then I would tell.

I acted out for weeks, nobody noticed, nobody asked.

So, I decided that maybe they already knew, maybe they already beat him up, maybe I should just forget it ever happened and move on, try to enjoy my childhood. I forgot. I told myself to, remember telling myself to, even.

Decades later, $200k in student loan debt, struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts, very uncomfortable and obtrusive sexual thoughts, I almost killed myself so. many. times.

Now I’m sober, in therapy, good job, stable-ish home environment living by myself, the memory came back.

Decided that I would confront him, decided that I would tell my parents first to get their support. They didn’t believe me. I drove across the country seeking to confront the bastard in person, my parents got wind of it and warned him to stay away, protecting him.

It’s been too long to seek actual charges in a criminal court, I was in the bottom of a bottle for almost a decade after the nightmares started.

There’s no hope for closure. No hope for an apology, an admittance, compensation, nothing. I get nothing. He ruined my life, and I get nothing.

I wake up thinking about killing myself most days.

Maybe, actually, my first punk rock show at 14. I still had trouble but pretty sure getting into that scene diverted me from severe alienation in school, and having older people as friends cushioned the blow when my dad died. I think without that I wouldn’t have lived this long.

But as an adult? Having kids for sure. Because I needed more money, went back to school, got a real job, and because my first pregnancy did so much more to heal my lingering anorexia than anything else - feeling like my body was real, and useful, and beautiful, I dunno how to explain it (and I’m sure this could go in the opposite direction for some) but for me it was quite healing. That set me on a different path and again, without them I probably wouldn’t have lived this long.

The last pivot point in my life was my breakup with my ex, that was a fast track to prosperity in a two income household with a guy who loves me for me. I wholeheartedly hope this trajectory holds.

So three inflection points I see.

Probably learning audio production and synthesis. Now my misery has an outlet.

Start of the war between Russia and Ukraine.

Now I have to worry every day that people I know (who have not managed to escape Ukraine) will either get killed by a Russian rocket or will get kidnapped from the streets by Ukrainian “recruitment officers”.

My last (and final) relationship.

I was deeply in love, but the other person broke up with me for valid reasons, and then pretended to take me back so they could mentally fuck with me, and it worked.

I’m now a depressive and a semi-hermit. Luckily for me I always liked being alone, or I’d be miserable, but the experience completely changed my personality and I don’t get close to people anymore.

Deciding on the school for my master’s. Had two choices: the no. 1 school in the US at that time, or an up-and-coming pgogram. The top school would have set me back about 200k in debt, but I was virtually guaranteed a job with a starting salary of 150k+, and a career path to the C-suite. The other school would give me a free ride, but it was anyone’s guess where’d I end up. I picked the free ride, and ended with a dead-end job for 40k. That was 20 years ago. Since then, that job gave me the push to leave the US, settle elsewhere, find a wife, start a family, and have an exciting new job with career progression. The choice, when I was deciding, couldn’t have been more clearly defined, and for years I kept thinking what if I picked the top school. Not anymore…

a baby coming out of my ex vagina. why? child support and slave waging up to 14 hrs a day

My parents’ divorce. I was 20 when it started, but still living at home. I was dragged through the middle of the very messy and drawn-out divorce proceedings, and unfortunately, my dad did not survive to hear the final judgement. The silver lining I guess was these two events gave me a solid kick in the pants to start acting like an adult. I went to counseling, then college, then an actual professional career.

While I am now in the best position in my life that I’ve ever been in, the catalyst to me getting here was terrible. 0/10, would strongly advise alternate means.

a doma enabled deportation of my life partner 12 years ago.

it was a life altering event that turned me from a liberal into a leftist.

Birth of my first child. It wasn’t just life-changing because “now I’m a father” and such but he had heart disease and the first few months were really rough. It doubly reinforced that my time of being a big kid is over and I have to be an actual adult because lives can easily be ruined or lost by passing the buck and letting other people make my decisions for me.

Getting sober