I used to be very skinny, like 58 kgs at 186. I met my wife when I was 18 and she loves skinny dudes 😂
Regardless, I did feel self conscious about my skininess because I was bullied for it in school. I’ve both accepted myself, but I also gained about 15kg of muscle by doing starting strength. I’m by no means ripped, but I do feel like I carry myself with more confidence and that goes a long way.
Also, my dude, take this from someone in a 20 year relationship… Looks are neat and all, but finding someone you can actually stand, spend a lot of time and plan a life with is a significantly more worthwhile trait to pursue.
The worst about ideation for me is that a few days/weeks/months later, I’m almost always thinking “I was willing to do that? Because of XYZ? That would’ve been so fucking stupid!”
But in the moment your brain can just be like “topping yourself is clearly the only logical solution” and make you actually believe that shit.
It’s wild.
Sorry, I realise this is a bit off topic.