Outside the circles are the rest of the universe. i.e. all of the spaces where neither TRICK nor TREAT are true.

Edit: oh, why is a face there and not just orange? I think because it’s cute.

CON: Unlike buying a gun, a trial’s gonna be a whole thing

PRO: Could act as a deterrent for school shooters who have a great home life and really love their parents

CON: No idea what to get your 12-year-old for Christmas now

Good lord they ended the list on some devastating items. The Onion is incisive as ever.

You fuck with the Earth you fuck with me. Gaia has instructed me to start laying waste to anyone who continues to pollute our planet. The funny thing is I’m mother-fucking invincible, I can survive in fucking space.

Gives me some Don Cheadle as Captain Planet vibes.

And his devotees would have cut off their own fingers in solidarity.

I ate the Onion

ODDTAXI. The intro will pull you in. The dialogue and story will keep you hooked.

But please, use subs. I don’t think the English dub is good enough.

Indeed. I’m a New Yorker and I saw it firsthand post 9/11. The whole country loved NYC and then quickly turned into seeing it as a liberal hellscape as FOX News and 24/7 cable news took hold.

I’m surprised by all the downvoting. Was I supposed to cite his connections to the Russian mob that go back decades? Something else?

Yeesh

Wait is that Elon…?

Yes! Also I look forward to when he stops impersonating them because they’ve faded into irrelevance ♥️

Also the “big man, strong man” and “sir”. He’s gotten the energetic Trump down pat.

That’s rich coming from a Giuliani. Her father and brother were ruined before Trump.

So…Christian?

Ouch. The Onion: this is effectively just reporting on real events…

What the heck America. Let’s be better than this.

“The young man was not dangling from a tree. He was not swinging from a tree. The rope was wrapped around his neck. It was not a noose. There was not a knot in the rope, so therefore, it was not a lynching here in Vance County.”

Umm, are you saying it wasn’t a lynching on a technicality? Everyone in the south must be Olympic level mental gymnasts. In particular to say there’s no evidence of foul play, at least.

This is like Russian dissidents falling out of windows or down stairs.

“I didn’t mean to be a terrible racist person and (possibly) get people killed. I just wanted to be casually racist.”

Edit: added (possibly)

“bag toss” also sounds kind of dirty to me

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/jeff-walz-tim-walz-brother-carsickness_n_66d8ae04e4b09a3ee66d3568

Walz had implied in his Facebook posts that he had stories suggesting that his younger brother isn’t “the type of character you want making decisions about your future.” But in the segment Wednesday, he admitted to NewsNation that he didn’t have any political bombshells ― just some stomach-turning anecdotes.

“Nobody wanted to sit with him, because he had car sickness and would always throw up on us, that sort of thing,” Walz said. “There’s really nothing else hidden behind there. People are assuming something else. There’s other stories like that, but I think that probably gives you the gist of it.”

Edited. Thanks!