I understand that I have to relax every now and then, however I am really struggling with it, being constantly in an endless loop of:
- Having a lot of energy and doing a bunch of stuff for a couple of weeks.
- Getting exhausted to the point I cannot control my impulsions and wreck my daily routine
- Try to rest only to fall in a depressive state for a couple of weeks.
- Collect myself up and repeat from step 1.
Trying to do low effort activities like watching a series or playing video games, is addictive, I stay up late without being able to stop, and end up more tired.
The hobbies I like require focus, and that’s what I am trying to avoid. Examples include programming and chess.
Going out with friends is nice but drains my social energy, after a couple of weekends out I need to stay in.
Chores sometimes work, but other times I feel guilty about the state of cleanliness of my home.
So, how do you relax/rest? Got a magic recipe? Are you struggling like me?
Edit: I just want to say this community is awesome, thanks for the support.
- Digital hoarding - I just like to collect stuff I’ll never consume, including books, games, music, TV shows, movies, audiobooks, etc. I find it soothing to compile collections and a thrill to find rare and/or previously thought lost stuff.
- Filling in the lines with color - Coloring books, paint by numbers, Lake app. I get to turn off my brain and focus on the lines. I don’t care about the colors that much, which leads to some pretty funky results.
- Power Wash Simulator - same as above but in reverse. I just turn off my brain and clean.
- Practicing guitar scales - Again; brain off, muscle memory on. The pain helps too. My mind wanders less when my fingers hurt. Plus it feels good when I check out and somehow still hit every note. It’s like my brain and I are just passengers looking out the window of the car while muscle memory takes us on a road trip on a sunny fall afternoon.
EDIT: I should note that I suffer from chronic, severe insomnia. I’ll go to sleep and two hours later be awake again. My solutions are for relaxation, not sleep.
Hardspace Shipbreaker is GREAT as a chillout game, especially if you play in easy/non-time-limited mode. I’ve spent HOURS slicing and dicing starships into their constituent components :D
That is a fucking great game. I should fire it up again.
The only thing you get for reaching 100% salvaged is a steam badge… but it’s one that I’m actually kind of proud of, because it’s REALLY hard to do on the larger ships. One slightly misaligned cut and you’ve tossed a couple of work :P
Not that I tend to go for stream badges generally, but does it have to be done on a certain class or size of ship? Can you 100% a tiny ship?
Yep. It’s still pretty hard, even on the smallest ship classes. You will absolutely not get it on your first try.
I first got 100% on a small cargo-type ship first, and then one of the medium-sized science ship classes, but there are a lot of bigger ones that I haven’t done. Also there’s a medium-sized patrol/tug class that I’m not sure is actually possible to 100%, because the only way to get the engine cores out is to slice active fuel lines, RCS/tether-pull at high speed through a huge engine nacelle while the fuel lines are flaming around you, and pull a switch all the way at the front of the damn thing within 15 or so seconds, otherwise the fucker blows itself apart and kills you lol
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My favorite is an HD scan of the original 35mm theatre print of Disney’s Song of the South. Disney can try, as hard as they want, to pretend that there movie never happened, but thanks to digital hoarding, the proof will never go away.
someone asked me a few months ago about my audible collection. i currently have 361 titles that i have collected since 2016. which isnt to alarming. then they asked how many are unread. i counted at least 72 titles that i have started and never finished.
then there is the physical book collection with, i dont know how many i have started and not finished
Insomnia sucks, I think I have a longer circadian rhythm (many people with ADHD do) which sucks when you try to maintain a routine. But, having severe insomnia, I cannot imagine what you are going through…
I liked the colour book idea, I will give it a try, I always thought these are for children but fuck standards, maybe it works for me too. 🙏
The Lake app is marketed towards adults and there are a lot of coloring books for adults.
Meditation in the middle of the day, music in the morning, reading before bed
Like you already noticed, the things you do for fun are not relaxing. Fun is important, too, but relaxation also needs to be part of your routine. You can’t wait until you’re stressed or tired.
I cannot focus long enough for meditation, do you have an app that works for you? Any insights for someone trying to get into meditation while having ADHD?
I occasionally start reading a book, but either I get too into it and stay sleepless until it’s finished, or I get bored, drop it and then feel guilty for not reading. Overall, it kinda works for me but it’s not sustainable for me.
The point of meditation is to stop focusing. Every time something catches your attention, ignore it. For people like us, or at least for me, this is easier in the beginning with eyes open, facing s blank wall. Any time something grabs your attention, redirect to staring at a spot on the wall. It’s a skill you learn, and it’s easier with someone standing over you watching and reminding when they see you start to look around or fidget.
Another form of meditation is by chanting a mantra; something in another language and short, ideally. In this one, you’re focused on your breathing and the mantra, saying it slowly and banishing all other thoughts besides the sound of your voice (or inner voice) and your slow, even breathing.
A third one some ND people like us coloring. Some crayons or colored pencils and a coloring book that’s more pattern than picture. Again, try not to think about anything beyond the color on the page.
With all forms of meditation, think of it like a bank, into which you’re depositing not money but calmness. So it only works if you make the deposits in advance. But once you do, if you find yourself in a situation where you’d like to be calm, reaching for the mantra, or staring at a spot on the wall, it absorbing yourself in image less color, will bring you some of the calm you banked earlier.
I like to do yoga and try to meditate while I stretch. I also can’t focus just sitting there, so having moving poses tends to help a lot
With the book, let yourself be bored and drop it. Follow that boredom into sleep. You don’t need to read; the reading is a tool to help you relax.
Wait you guys get to rest?
I haven’t found a way to actually rest properly. Closest I come is doing something which requires Littles focus, has basically no state of failure but is still satisfying to me.
For me that’s painting miniatures. I can remove the paint and repaint if I don’t like the result. It requires focus but for me very little and it allows me to rest my mind or listen to a podcast or music while doing so.
Few other activities work for me. Video games can work but only if the game is super chill and requires little focus like Dorfrimantik for example. Or turn based games on general such as civilization. But there is still the addiction issue you talked about.
But overall it’s tough. Actually resting also makes me depressed. I need to do stimulating activities to keep my mind healthy. That issue is especially noticeable when any job makes me too exhausted or eats all my time to do my hobbies.
Part of it is pacing yourself on the energy weeks. Just because I have the energy to work 12 hours a day on a project doesn’t mean I should.
Another part is ensuring I have a good combination of fun/unstructured time with friends, time with SO and time alone. In time alone I’ll tend to listen to a book and play something stimulating like slay the spire.
As for rest it took me a long, long time of fighting it but eventually one day it mostly clicked for me: I’m now in bed around 1030 up around 7 and feel good at that level of sleep. I know that if I stop playing games and just watch some TV and pet the dog I’ll start to get tired.
Yes executive dysfunction makes those deliberate choices harder but it’s not insurmountable. I will say trying to keep myself in sync with my partner has also helped tremendously. I try to go to bed at the same time as them every night.
Just because I have the energy to work 12 hours a day on a project doesn’t mean I should.
Actually I feel I should… My productivity at works comes and goes in phases, I have to make up for it in productive weeks if I don’t want to get fired.
I don’t have much advice at all, but I wanted to say that I am also struggling with this since you asked. It’s been especially rough lately for some reason; I haven’t fallen asleep at a regular hour in what feels like months. Unfortunately, the only few times I’ve been able to get restful sleep are in that depressive state, probably just from being emotionally drained.
I hope that you’ll find some sort of peace/rest soon.
I’m on autopilot these days. I just stop things when it’s time, even if my focus is still there. I try balance my chores so the house looks ok and I don’t feel too guilty. I see people enough that I feel my social life is a thing. But I get a lot of alone time. Thats my most important time. I go to sleep usually around 21:30 - 22:30 but not strict about it. I sometimes get woken by nightmares or I’m just restless and I have a few hours awake in the middle of the night. But I eventually get enough rest on average and I manage fine.
My go to sleep routine is to cycle through Star Trek series. I’ve seen them all many times. It usually takes one or two episodes and sometimes I play on my phone at the same time. I watch from bed and if I wake from noise I switch it off and go back to sleep. The episodes don’t autoplay, and if its been 30mins after one ends the computer goes to sleep automatically.
I take some CBD or some Weed Light or have a beer and chill. Go on social media then do all those things. LOL
Aromatherapy, a leisurely walk, brown noise or nature sounds at low to moderate volume
I bought a scented candle the other week. First candle I’ve bought in years.
It was such a simple delight.
This video was really helpful to me! The Struggle to Relax: Why ADHD Makes it Tough
Personally, I like to tinker with stuff - nothing that requires a ton of concentration, but just taking stuff apart and putting it back together.
If I have an audiobook, listening to that while doing a repetitive task is really relaxing as well. Things like knitting or crochet seem really good for this - I don’t do either of those but I have other little crafting type things that I do.
I also like to re-watch old startrek episodes while scrolling lemmy but that feels less relaxing.
I used to do videogames a lot and that was fun but also less relaxing then the other things.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
The Struggle to Relax: Why ADHD Makes it Tough
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
To wind down I like taking CBD in the 100mg range a few times an evening after work. Lol, I took some during work a few times, and it always made me loopy.
Surprised no one has mentioned this yet: daytime naps.
