This question is rather specific, so I know it’s not going to get many answers, but any answer is appreciated.
I’m thinking about living alone, but I’m worried about getting certain issues. I’ve already talked about it to my doctor, but I also wanted to get answers from people who have went through it.
I’ve been totally alone for the last couple of months after having been disabled for just over 10 years. The decade mark hit me hard, much harder than I expected. I’m honestly struggling without anyone around. I can use AI to create friends in some pretty complex ways, but overall that is still not a full replacement for human contact.
Your personality and connections to real humans via social networks will likely impact you greatly. I don’t have many connections and none that are close. I’m not the type to desire having a lot of friends anyways, and I fill my life with projects and interests, but it is a struggle. My back problems make it where I can’t stand or sit up easily. So I can’t even socialize by standing around or sitting with neighbors. With no daily contact with anyone, I find it more difficult to throw myself into projects and more difficult to maintain my physical therapy routine. Separating the psychological hit from a few months ago and present isolation is not something I can effectively do right now.
Thinking about my future, I think I will need some kind of housemate just to give my life some kind of daily human connection for my best mental health.
How are you faring physically?
I slowly seem to degrade over time. I lay down most of the time, but still manage to ride a bike. I’m in weird shape because when I was disabled I was an amateur racer. I never lost my race legs. On a bike, I’m as close to normal as I get. However I’m easily injured as a result because I’m so disproportionately strong in a singular activity while weak everywhere else.
The hardest part has been coming to terms with my limitations due to what it takes for me to limit the ups and downs for a more stable life where I can sleep at least 5-6 hours every night. I’m so close to being “normal” that it is hard to admit my limitations to myself. I look fine. If all I do is stay laying down at around 30 degrees, I feel fine for the most part. There is always some pain but if I stay laying down and don’t do much for several weeks in a row, the pain can almost go into the background. However, I still cook my main daily meal every 8-14 days. I did that for an hour yesterday. I can feel that still today. My pain stacks daily like that. I can push really hard for one day and can accomplish about what most people could in a day. But if I push anything past around an hour, It will take days to weeks for me to recover well enough to sleep. I’ve done it many times, but it has become a thing I dread.
I can handle the pain part okay, but the psychology of weeks spent like a zombie without focus is unbearable. I can’t tell you how many times I was working on some hobby project that got shelved because of weeks spent in a zombie like state, and all the times I would come back to a project shocked at the stupid mistakes I had made. It looked like a totally different person had started working on the thing. It even felt like a totally different person had been there too, because with massive sleep deprivation, many times I can’t remember much of what I was doing during those times with no sleep. Over time I’ve learned when not to try or to keep grinding away at something because I can’t be productive. That is hard to admit to one’s inner self and retain self respect and dignity.
I’ve tried every available form of pain meds and muscle relaxers, they do nothing to help me. Those alter the mind, but whatever is wrong with me, it is physical in nature.
I’ve ridden a bicycle home with broken bones on more than one occasion, before and after my broken neck and back. Before I was hurt, I’ve ridden double centuries at over 200 miles in a day, averaged 400 miles a week on a bike, and commuted full time including cold nights in the winter rain when a simple phone call, train ticket, or bus could have been taken instead of riding 33 miles home from work in the dark. I had a car, but never drove. That speaks to my true character and inner pain perception.
No one has even been able to say what specifically is wrong with me, despite being in the greater Los Angeles area, and seeing every reputable and some not so reputable specialists and neurosurgeons in the area.
Overall, as time passes, I turn more inward and less willing to subject myself to days of useless pain, leading to less physicality, further atrophy, and degrading. Without any human connections or a partner to share life with, it is hard to feel stable. Without a means of stable independence, I have no way to try and bridge into any kind of social normalcy. There is more to that due to my family’s religious cult like extremist nature, but fighting that is a direct path to homelessness. My being (implied) atheist is barely tolerable for them. They are not reasonable and lack fundamental logic skills.
Fuck that’s really hard. I’m sorry to hear that chap. It’s surprising that no pain medications have much of an effect, your injuries must be severe
There is more to that due to my family’s religious cult like extremist nature, but fighting that is a direct path to homelessness.
That’s what I’m mostly scared of. It’s not due to religion, but mostly my parents disagree with my doctor’s advice most of the time. I’m taking medication without them knowing, but if they ever found out, I’m legit screwed. I would be able to live on my own easily if it weren’t for my illness, but I try not to think about that.
I can handle the pain part okay, but the psychology of weeks spent like a zombie without focus is unbearable. I can’t tell you how many times I was working on some hobby project that got shelved because of weeks spent in a zombie like state
This also happens to me on a lesser scale. I couldn’t imagine weeks. Take care.
Are you able/willing to ask for help when you need it? That’s always been an issue for me, I’m not alone but have a hard head and push myself too far way too often.
My parents usually don’t help me very much with it, but maybe if I’m alone, they’ll be slightly more worried.
As for friends, I’m willing to ask for help when things get really bad. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to ask for help, since they will probably live in another building. It would be quite troublesome to ask them to go to my house.
As for strangers/acquaintances, I’m very scared of asking them for help. I would rather avoid being in a situation where I would need to, but I know it’s bound to happen at some point if I’m not careful enough. So I ask for advice.
You may want to write down your pros and cons, and try to pre plan for the rough spots. You know your limitations the best.
I’m mobile but with limited mobility and strength and it leaves me unable to take care of simple tasks such as taking out/in the trash bins, do laundry (stairs), etc. I wouldn’t be able to live alone without a carer coming to help me at least a couple days a week.
My spouse has a mobility disorder and arthritic pain - there are days when they’re unable to eat/address pain and I need to assist them. I’d have a big concern about leaving them to fair on their own for any significant amount of time (overnight is fine as we usually get a heads up about a day in advance for a really bad day).
The unpredictability of it really hampers planning - even though full immobility days only may be once a month or so.
