I just got ghosted by the girl I was talking to, I want to find another girl to talk to. This girl and I met at the gym, but I don’t want to be the guy that goes to the gym just to meet girls. I mean sure there’s the bar and Tinder, but I want a real relationship. I mean, I guess it’ll come to me.

  • AlexanderESmith@kbin.social
    1·
    5 months ago

    Don’t.

    Okay, that could easily be misinterpreted. What I mean is don’t look for one. Live your life. Get to know yourself. Find some hobbies, start some projects, do some cool shit. Not as a resume for a relationship, just to do it and be fulfilled. You don’t need to find someone right this moment.

    The worst relationship I ever had was because I was young and lonely and bored and I ended up dating someone who nearly destroyed my life and dominated everything about it. Took 5 years to get away from it. Subsequent relationships suffered, though not because my partners were awful, I just wasn’t worth dating.

    At some point, I just got tired of it and “retired” from dating. I took care of myself, did things that interested me, and relaxed for a few years. Just me. I got really happy just being with myself. Then, my best friend of nearly 20 years and I ended up starting a thing nearly on accident, and now (a few years later) we’re very happily married. Absolutely would not have been possible unless I’d spent the time to figure myself out.

  • Platypus@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    1·
    5 months ago

    I had absolutely no luck trying. I went on dates, swiped apps, talked to every girl I thought was cute, and none of it went anywhere beyond some weird halfhearted relationships. About two weeks after I gave up altogether, I met a girl on my way to the water fountain and we just clicked. Six years down the line and we couldn’t be happier.

    I guess my best advice is just don’t sweat it. Be yourself, do what makes you happy, put yourself in situations where you’ll meet new people, and sooner or later somebody will come along.

    • xmunk@sh.itjust.works
      1·
      5 months ago

      I think people are too quick to discount this advice but it’s honestly the best way to find a genuine life partner. Do stuff you love and if you find someone you’re interested in doing it (and they feel the same way) you have an excellent basis for a relationship.

  • nomad@infosec.pub
    1·
    5 months ago

    Spend your time doing what you like and talk to women you meet while doing that. It has several advantages for dating. :)

  • flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz
    1·
    5 months ago

    No matter what so many people say, it’s not mandatory to have a partner!

    Invest your effort in figuring out how to live with yourself. Build a life worth living on your own.
    A right person might come, or not. But at least you didn’t waste your life chasing wrong goals.

  • Thorry84@feddit.nl
    1·
    5 months ago

    I’ve found the most important part of finding a mate on Lemmy is to run Arch Linux. If you do not run Arch Linux, are you even trying?

    I use Arch BTW

  • RedditWanderer@lemmy.world
    1·
    5 months ago

    the bird will never land on your ship if you constantly stand guard to catch it, instead improve your ship and sail into warmer waters; the bird will land while you are not looking

    • CGP Grey
    • Poiar@sh.itjust.works
      1·
      5 months ago

      CGP Grey might be one of the most interesting people to ever have lived. I cannot get enough of his podcasts. I still miss Hello Internet dearly.