I either have an exciting plan,
or when that fails, no plan (I resign).
Since the exciting plans usually fail, I end up living on autopilot.
I really struggle making things in life move. There’s too many simultaneous Big Tasks* whose logistics I need to keep track of that I can’t hold them all in my head at once (I can only focus on one Big Task at once). Especially when most tasks are timelines where you need to wait for responses, compose emails, search for things (there might be none – what then?) etc. and where you need to think about the order of the tasks in the timeline so that you save time. Not to forget remembering to notice if people haven’t replied to your e-mail and having to either remind them or come up with a Plan B (this usually leaves you stumped because you now can’t get the thing you started the whole journey for). There’s so many steps to keep track of and you can’t even write them down because the amount of steps keeps changing.
*Finding the next place to rent, booking a dentist for my hurting tooth, planning journeys (what is the Plan B if the journey is too expensive?)
The cluelessness and dread of having to come up with a Plan B is why I hate searching for things. Having to come up with a Plan B is so disorienting. And it’s the opposite of stimulating: you’ve put in a ton of effort and gotten nowhere. How do you all deal with it?
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My “solution” personally is probably terrible -
Have so many plans on the go, you don’t ever get to the point of completing or failing!
Also this random tweet from years ago. I am totally on the “improvise everything” side
Improvisers unite ✊
I have accepted I can plan about 20% and the rest will have to be solved on the fly. The world is confusing. There are too many things happening at once for anyone (definitely at least for myself!) to keep track of everything. My goal when planning is not to set out exactly what I’m going to do, but rather to reduce uncertainty and gather information to improvise effectively if needed.
How do you deal with unexpected Plan Bs? Like say, your traveling and looking for a place to stay but there are none, or you need some extra money but you can’t find any suitable jobs? It might not be an ADHD problem but these things always really stump me.
!Is the answer to constantly lower my expectations/requirements?!<
For those two examples, I’d either keep looking or lower the requirements if I believe it’s absolutely impossible - it all depends on the time constraints.
If I have 8 months more to look for a job, I won’t care / lower my expectations. If I need a job now, I’ll find whatever and look for a better job in the meantime.
On the vacation example, I would keep trying to find a place where I want to stay until I’m actually pressed for time - then I’d look for a place further away or lower the requirements.
Sometimes trying harder works, but the times it doesn’t, it’s more valuable to find something not-so-nice and settle than to keep stressing and trying to find something impossibly good, without achieving anything.
I’m reluctant to say lower your expectations, but if you’re trying to find a job, maybe it isn’t the right time to go on vacation.
In another comment, someone mentioned planners and improvisors, and you said you were the second one. I disagree. I think you’re a planner, but you’re so afraid that you’ll spend all this time planning and something won’t go exactly right, so you’re not planning anything at all.
What if you tried making more general plans? Book a flight and a hotel nearby. Look at various places that you could visit while you’re there, and just leave it at that. If you want to check something out, go do it. If you see something cool on the way, check it out. Nobody’s best memories are about how closely they followed a schedule. It’s definitely good to have a plan, but getting distracted on a side quest doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the rest of the day.
I think you’re a planner, but you’re so afraid that you’ll spend all this time planning and something won’t go exactly right, so you’re not planning anything at all.
Actually you hit the nail on the head there. Yeah I guess I should learn to improvise and go with what I’ve got more. For some reason I’ve got this really bad habit of thinking up the experience I’d like to live and trying to make it reality, instead of seeing what’s actually out there and going with that… I don’t know where it came from or what to do about it
traveling and looking for a place to stay UT there are none or you need extra money
I’d start by not traveling if I lacked sufficient funds for it.
Oh no, this didn’t happen those were just two random examples
You guys got good at one of the two?
Improvise isn’t my middle name any more - it’s become my first name
Hello improvise.
Ugh. Definitely the second one 🥲 how do I learn to become the former?
I get the feeling that most of the former people are faking and doing a lot of masking.
I live a life of impulse. Improvisation is the way I do everything.
My work hates me for it, but they have a hard time complaining with my results.
I simply stopped worrying and being fine with any result.
Didn’t find the next place to rent? Guess I’ll have to keep living right here.
Didn’t book an appointment for my hurting tooth? Guess I’ll have to go to the ER once it’s unbearable.
Don’t have a plan B for the journey? Guess there’s just simply no journey if the first plan fails.
Nothing in my life moves? Guess everything will stay still.
Living on autopilot? Guess that’s how I live.
And I’m actually absolutely fine with these results.
This is the way.
Apathy. All the way down.
I think there is a difference between apathy and being fine with the results. I’m still sad if things go wrong, or happy when they go right. I still want things to go a certain way. I’m not indifferent.
I just know that nothing will ever be perfect, so I don’t need to stress about if it isn’t.
Try using external tools. Tracking can be done with a physical Kanban board.
Bruh. Nothing called a “board” can contain all the steps to even one of my plans.
And I’ve got a lot of plans. Hundreds of “I just need x to get to the next step of y plan” pass through my mind daily.
I have no money, so I have no reasonable way to obtain x, so y is at a standstill… For now. Rinse and repeat with everything, and you’ll have a good idea of the chaos I live with.
I feel you. What helps me, is to organize before starting (as much as I dread organizing). Write down what needs to be done when, and make sure you have at least a reminder to kickstart plan B scheduled.
I extensively use to-do lists (love the Todoist app) and will put in tasks like (for a home improvement example)
- mail at least 5 companies asking to do X (tomorrow)
- in 2 weeks: make sure you have followed up with 1 of them, else read 2 tutorials and get tools to do X myself
For the boring (but non-waiting) tasks like making the schedule, reading or just doing boring stuff at work, I like to use pomodoro: Set a timer, try to do focused work for 25 minutes. When the timer goes off, you HAVE TO take a break and enjoy yourself for 5 minutes (set a timer again), whether you got any work done or not. Repeat. There’s apps and sites that help make this smooth.
Usually the first pomodoro is wasted but in the second or third, I get so much work done, and feel better because of the mandatory breaks, that it is usually worth it
How do you deal with unexpected Plan Bs? Like say, your traveling and looking for a place to stay but there are none, or you need some extra money but you can’t find any suitable jobs? Or if nobody replies to your emails?
!..I guess what’s really happening is my brain facing the reality of what it thinks should be possible vs. what is actually possible…!<
As much as is reasonable, try to expect them. Put a task in 2 weeks describing what to do if there have been no replies yet. Expand your range of options. Search farther, find a different kind of handiman companies to mail, find someone who can give feedback on your resume, or if necessary, consider different kinds of jobs.
I would not be a part of this community if this mind of planning always went well in my life. But in general, planning these kinds of things in advance so I don’t have to:
- notice them in the moment
- make the plan in the moment
Helps me. Do the work now so you can simply follow reminders and instructions for plan B.
Yeah, I guess Plan Bs just come down to thinking out of the box
If you’re worried, you can come up with a plan B now. It tends to be easier to think “what if …?” before anything has happened and then write that in the reminder than to do this kind of thinking when you’re in panic mode and find out that things aren’t going well.
Hmm, that’s a good suggestion.
Also, I’ve realised my Plan B problem can be generalized:
- I want something
- I search for the means
- There are no means.
- What now? I’m terrified of №3, it’s giving me a mental block to search in the first place… (but yeah, your suggestion helps here)
