No, it wouldn’t be a problem if he said he fucked dudes. The implication though is that “dudes” is a gendered term. The complaint is that she was misgendered by someone who then doubled down on the misgendering. Her statement was not homophobic.
No, it wouldn’t be a problem if he said he fucked dudes.
I know it wouldn’t be, but making the argument that “you don’t want to accidentally sound like you’re gay” is not the counter argument you might think it is, which is why I was asking her about her intent with that.
I didn’t disagree with that, in fact I agree with her response in that regard as I’ve written.
If that specific argument came from anyone but a hexbear user I would’ve thought some pretty unkind things about the person on the other end, as of now I just think it’s an accidental comment that wasn’t intended, but I can’t not point it out as it’s the exact language that would be used to scare the gays back into the closet when I was in school. “Oh you better not do that, you might look gay”, one I’m all too familiar with.
There were plenty of other analogies that didn’t involve gay, or fucking men as an apparent negative thing
In my experience, sexual inferences are the fastest way to educate someone who doesn’t see a word as being gendered, but I can see how what they said could be read as using gay sexual activity in a negative way to someone not reading this thread and skimmed over the rest of the text in that reply.
Playing dumb is used by bigots as a shield to continue their bigotry unimpeded. Not allowing any room for them to play dumb is the only way to reach those kind of people.
Playing dumb is used by bigots as a shield to continue their bigotry unimpeded. Not allowing any room for them to play dumb is the only way to reach those kind of people.
I’m aware, I’m on her side in this matter to be clear. She’s right to call out “dude”, and in fact it’s a disrespectful term anyway to say to non-friends.
Personally I try to use ungendered terms as much as possible online, and will call out weird assumptions on gender as well. English at least has it great on that front as using genders is a choice in that language (unlike some other European languages I know…).
Though it’s neat you all have the pronouns in the user, and I will of course use the pronouns when available/known.
I agree with that, she clearly isn’t, as her pronouns clearly indicate. I’ve made that pretty clear in my first comment as well, I guess you missed it. That’s not what I’m talking about however.
My comment is about using “fucking dudes” as a negative example, I’d have preferred if a different example would be used rather than scaring the straight (I assume he is) their possible internal homophobia to realise dude is a gendered term. As there is nothing wrong with fucking a dude, he could be fully okay with that, and that would be fine.
As the poster’s pronouns are close to her heart, my sexuality is also close to mine, and fighting negative connotations surrounding that is something I can’t stop doing, I do hope you see that.
What they are conveying is that “dude” is clearly not a gender-neutral term, as a straight guy would agree that they “fuck people”, weird as the phrasing is, but not that they “fuck dudes.” It demonstrates that they themselves don’t perceive the social understanding of the term “dude” as gender neutral, not that “fucking dudes” is bad. It could also be used to debate a lesbian by the same token.
I agree with her that dude is gendered (and generally disrespectful to say to non-friends anyway).
But it’s clear we disagree on the examples’ connotaton. I can’t really make it more clear that I think there’s a negative connotation to the example used, I can’t however force you to accept that. At the risk of looping the comments perpetually I will wish you the best with this one and leave it at that.
To be clear, I don’t think she had any malice in mind when using that argument, just that I wished a different example would be used than scaring the (assumed) straight guy with “do you fuck a dude?”, as if he was gay and said yes, that would’ve been a fine answer, but not really have an impact (gays can still be transphobic/against pronouns, those idiots exist sadly).
Would it be a problem if he went around and said he fucked dudes?
I’m confused, are you using gays as an insult here? That’s messed up if so, so I hope that’s not what you meant.
I do agree on your comment about the usage of wrong pronouns though, you shouldn’t have had that happen.
No, it wouldn’t be a problem if he said he fucked dudes. The implication though is that “dudes” is a gendered term. The complaint is that she was misgendered by someone who then doubled down on the misgendering. Her statement was not homophobic.
I know it wouldn’t be, but making the argument that “you don’t want to accidentally sound like you’re gay” is not the counter argument you might think it is, which is why I was asking her about her intent with that.
The only argument she’s making is that dudes is a gendered term, and him doubling down after the fact is bullshit
I didn’t disagree with that, in fact I agree with her response in that regard as I’ve written.
If that specific argument came from anyone but a hexbear user I would’ve thought some pretty unkind things about the person on the other end, as of now I just think it’s an accidental comment that wasn’t intended, but I can’t not point it out as it’s the exact language that would be used to scare the gays back into the closet when I was in school. “Oh you better not do that, you might look gay”, one I’m all too familiar with.
There were plenty of other analogies that didn’t involve gay, or fucking men as an apparent negative thing
In my experience, sexual inferences are the fastest way to educate someone who doesn’t see a word as being gendered, but I can see how what they said could be read as using gay sexual activity in a negative way to someone not reading this thread and skimmed over the rest of the text in that reply.
Playing dumb is used by bigots as a shield to continue their bigotry unimpeded. Not allowing any room for them to play dumb is the only way to reach those kind of people.
I’m aware, I’m on her side in this matter to be clear. She’s right to call out “dude”, and in fact it’s a disrespectful term anyway to say to non-friends.
Personally I try to use ungendered terms as much as possible online, and will call out weird assumptions on gender as well. English at least has it great on that front as using genders is a choice in that language (unlike some other European languages I know…).
Though it’s neat you all have the pronouns in the user, and I will of course use the pronouns when available/known.
What she is saying is that she is not a dude
I agree with that, she clearly isn’t, as her pronouns clearly indicate. I’ve made that pretty clear in my first comment as well, I guess you missed it. That’s not what I’m talking about however.
My comment is about using “fucking dudes” as a negative example, I’d have preferred if a different example would be used rather than scaring the straight (I assume he is) their possible internal homophobia to realise dude is a gendered term. As there is nothing wrong with fucking a dude, he could be fully okay with that, and that would be fine.
As the poster’s pronouns are close to her heart, my sexuality is also close to mine, and fighting negative connotations surrounding that is something I can’t stop doing, I do hope you see that.
What they are conveying is that “dude” is clearly not a gender-neutral term, as a straight guy would agree that they “fuck people”, weird as the phrasing is, but not that they “fuck dudes.” It demonstrates that they themselves don’t perceive the social understanding of the term “dude” as gender neutral, not that “fucking dudes” is bad. It could also be used to debate a lesbian by the same token.
I agree with her that dude is gendered (and generally disrespectful to say to non-friends anyway).
But it’s clear we disagree on the examples’ connotaton. I can’t really make it more clear that I think there’s a negative connotation to the example used, I can’t however force you to accept that. At the risk of looping the comments perpetually I will wish you the best with this one and leave it at that.
To be clear, I don’t think she had any malice in mind when using that argument, just that I wished a different example would be used than scaring the (assumed) straight guy with “do you fuck a dude?”, as if he was gay and said yes, that would’ve been a fine answer, but not really have an impact (gays can still be transphobic/against pronouns, those idiots exist sadly).
Fair enough, have a good day 💚