I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
When your children start ordering packages, don’t open them and you’ll never have to worry about this.
I dunno, opening the package to see that it’s a dildo might give some peace of mind that they won’t be using the produce.
Now I’m wondering what would be an appropriate age to have that awkward “It’s ok if you want to play, it’s just much safer and more sanitary to use toys meant for the purpose rather than improvising with anything that is the right shape” conversation.
The best story I ever heard about this was a single dad who had to take his teenage daughter to the doctor because she got an infection from inserting a toothbrush handle or something else that wasn’t sanitary, and instead of giving her ANY kind of scolding or negative judgement, he was very loving and helped her laugh it off, and then he just left on her pillow a $100 gift card to Adam & Eve or some other large, commercial, adult site that lets you buy gift cards.
I don’t think it’s appropriate to even suggest an age here, but I think as a parent you will know when it’s time to have the talk/leave the card.
People are missing the more important question:
Why did she put the cucumber back in the fridge?No this is not normal… it’s not sanitary for one and nobody wants yeast infections. It also doesn’t really have a suitable structure for that, and the outside rind… I mean I cannot imagine that feels nice. It’s a meme more than anything like I know people are out there with food fetish and it definitely has been done by someone before but no this is very uncommon lol.
you put a condom on it to solve most of that
Or just like buy a toy meant for that
I’ve never used a veg for these purposes and I’m not planning to. I would definitely not recommend it to anyone, and I would recommend be very mindful of the hygiene of any objects you decide to insert for whatever reason- speaking from experience here, UTIs are no fun.
Most people don’t use vegetables for this afaik.
That aside, the only girl who ever confided in me that she used a veg (a banana btw) also said she put it in a condom. She said she would bin it all afterwards and this sounds like what someone reasonable enough would do. I’d be grossed out if I was to eat something used for that and I’d feel awful to have my family eat something used that way. Just no.
Thank you for the honest response! I sincerely appreciate it.
Reflecting on your answer, that would make complete sense. Why wouldn’t a person use a condom? My wife has explained how concerned she is about UTIs, and adding that veggie bacteria would be concerning.
I’m starting to feel like my veggies are safe.
Hope she washed it off well before putting it back in the fridge. So I doubt the post is real. As for the rest I’ll have to leave it to women to answer. But if you ever find your cucumber in the garbage, just leave it there.
Do most people take food back out from the trash?
Take their ‘joke’ seriously and buy them each their own vibrator/dildo combo. Be really serious about the whole thing; explain what they are, what they’re for, everything.
This way, if they weren’t joking, your veggies are safe. If they were joking, you have just completely topped their joke with your own.
Dad buying their underage daughter a dildo sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.
EDIT: Yeah I misread that
OP was talking about his wife and her friend.
Dad buying their underage wife and her friend a dildo sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.
Times are tough for underage dads in this cancel culture
Dad buying their underage wife and her friend sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.
As the only female on Lemmy I’m here to say maybe. Possibly anything could be used for penetration. I have personally never used a vegetable. A cucumber could be too large and intimidating for a young girl so hair brush handles are top tier.
I will concur that I’ve never used a vegetable or fruit either. Just seems dirty. Toothbrush or other plastic toy were my first go tos, (plus bath water) but really, can’t emphasize this enough, a lot of girls don’t need penetration to get off. Just clitoral stimulation.
After talking to a few honest (or tipsy) women about their early sexual discovery I know the high likely hood of that Micky Mouse electric toothbrush getting absolutely violated.
Mine was like this long cylindrical toy that was basically a weeble wobble. And a kooshball at the end of a pen (for clitoral stimulation).
https://offerup.com/item/detail/577a38e0-dd43-30c9-b992-38d3645a9362
The koosh ball slapped, didn’t look exactly like the above. It was really really good. I’ve never been able to find something to replace it with and I’ve been looking for years.
lol, for boys it was definitely the “water snake”
Absolutely insane how creative a hard-up young’un can get.
Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
No. Worrying doesn’t help anyone. Just relax.
Next thing you’re going to tell us is that we SHOULDN’T become absolutely obsessed with the personal habits and sex lives of other people whom I will never meet nor be involved with in any way! Preposterous!
