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I think this is pretty universal. It’s not an adhd thing, it’s more that our “accomplishments” in the system that dictates our lives are not real accomplishments. They’re expectations from some unwritten rule book of “standard capitalist life.” So, so many of them are meaningless to us, but the expectation that we get them done is palpable. You feel it from everyone: family, friends, even strangers. And when you don’t do them, you’re seen differently by those around you. That doesn’t mean anything except that they’re empty societal rituals that everyone else had to do, so they expect you to do them too.
They’re not bringing you any spiritual or personal fulfillment. They’re just getting the expectation off your back. This is not anything to do with any sort of neurodivergence. It’s literally just being a person in modern society.
While this is true, I still felt like this even when I made actual accomplishments. OP might be like me.
The only times I was genuinely proud of myself were when I didn’t even try and still got extremely good results for something. If I prepare for something, when I do success in achieving it, it just feels like it was supposed to happen anyway.
It might be helpful to reframe what made you proud. Like you said, putting in the effort up front means you expect to do well. But you should be proud of your preparation which enabled you to be successful.
It’s easy to fixate on the end goal (eg doing well on a test) and ignore all the little steps that got you there (going to class, doing your homework, studying).
Any tips on where to start with switching your mindset?
Anything you can do to remind yourself of the journey and progress along the way helps. Thinking about someone’s weight loss journey the end goal is to hit an ideal weight, but the regular weigh ins, tracking progress at the gym, and reduced calorie counts help give perspective to the bigger picture.
I’m very much a data/visualization so your mileage may vary. Hope that helps spark some ideas!
I mean, it’s easier to feel accomplished after doing something when things come to you more naturally. As opposed to when you have ADHD and you struggle to do the most basic shit that’s not related to capitalism and expectations of others AT ALL.
This response (“this isn’t specific to ADHD”) to every post on here is incredibly tedious, especially when it’s filled with assumptions about what the original post means.
It says “achieving something,” not finishing work or paying taxes. It could be about making a work of art, finishing a tough workout, baking a cake, literally any of the things someone may do that is just about self fulfillment or enjoyment.
If those things that you want to do don’t give you joy, that can absolutely be an ADHD symptom! ADHD is characterized by dysfunction of the way the brain produces and uses dopamine, which among other things makes people feel a sense of reward.
This isn’t universal in degree or frequency, and frankly it just comes off as “everyone’s a little ADHD.”
Oh shut the fuck up. Yes every fucking brain has dopamine. yes society sucks. but this is an ADHD SPACE. Do you think every brain has dopamine regulatory dysfunction? I’m so tired of these “everybody!” comments.
Well said, I think this is spot on. There’s no ancestral circuit in our brains urging us to pay our taxes or mow our lawn, it’s just a thing we do.
I don’t know, most people are proud of getting a degree, right? I got a degree in my passion (and was still passionate about it at graduation), but haven’t ever felt pride in it. I’m currently in a difficult masters program and felt no pride about getting in. Maybe those are just also paperwork “accomplishments” for others, though.
Edit: I have felt positive about getting new jobs, but I think it was happiness, not pride. I’m proud when I beat someone at a game in a good way or am unexpectedly prepared for a situation, but I think that might be it.
Yeah, people above are assuming a lot. I feel you, man. It’s the same here.
Agreed. How many garden experiments against depression will it take before we all realize what we’re doing is fucking idiotic?
most of the revelations on this sub are universal and not unique to adhd
Sense of pride and accomplishment is only attainable through pay-to-win microtransactions. This is known.
Same. It’s such an effort at the end that I’m mostly glad I can rest. Using high stress as the executive function takes a toll.
Exactly.
When I accomplish something in a hobby it is an entirely different story. I am proud and happy, pleased, and all that good stuff. When doing these kinds of projects, I’m motivated by interest and not fear of negative consequences of failing.
Even if NT folks don’t feel good about most accomplishments, I am guessing they probably would feel a lot less stress, anxiety, self doubt, self flagellation, etc. for the same task as ADHD folks.
I feel the same way. When I’ve done a particularly difficult jigsaw puzzle or made a new dress with a cool original design I do feel proud and accomplished. I also feel very satisfied after finally doing some cleaning task because everything looks clean and nice. But with assignments or exams from school or whatever I don’t. The only time I get a true feeling of accomplishment from anything school related is if I’ve made a really fucking slapping lesson and the kids thought it was fun and weren’t out for blood that day, lol.
ADHD is a dysfunction of dopamine regulation. Dopamine is the reward chemical. It motivates us to do things by making us feel good when something is done. Thus an ADHD brain is going to have more trouble feeling satisfied with a job well done. This is why external reward structures, such as positive reinforcement from friends, can be so beneficial to ADHD functioning.
Congrats on cooking something for once.
Your reward? Its dirty dishes.
And your reward for cleaning those?
Having to put them away.
This is me all the time.
Never a sense of accomplishment, just a relief that I no longer have to do it.
The journey is more important than the destination
This is almost me, except the sense of relief I feel is proportional to the amount of stress experienced. Which is often much higher than it would be if I were NT.
Weird, mine is inversely proportional. If something was too stressful, I don’t dare feel too relieved in case it’s not over
Yeah, I assume there’s always three extra hoops to jump through after I think I’m done.
I actually do feel a bit proud of myself most of those times. But that’s mostly because it is extremely difficult for me to complete any larger task I don’t have a current fixation on, or am not enjoying already.
But of course there are also those unspoken expectations you have to conform to, and the absolute drag it is to do it consistently.
Yeah I can empathize.
Writing down the things I do and marking off each, is as close to feeling accomplishment Ill ever get.
